dick blowin'

well, as we all know, my car broke down. i cracked a head or blew a gasket or cracked a blown head gasket. something like that. whatever the case, it's gonna cost $800 or $900 to fix. oh, does this blow large bulbous dick.

finally over

bah humbug, for starters. other than that, let's see. my car broke down this weekend. yay! not only did it overheat, i also managed to break the fans in the front of the car. they no longer turn. this is a little beyond me, but i know that it doesnt run, so monday should be fun. i got a very cool present today though, got a whole new rewiring system and cd player for my car. it looks awesome, i wont know for a while, till i get my car back, but at least i can have something to look forward to. because that will rock the sphincter void. well, i thought it was funny, anyway. even if i was the only one. speaking of weirdly named body parts, does anyone here know what the labia majora and labia minora are?? not asking for definitions, but just a show of hands. just taking a mental calculation of something. wondering if it was just me. anywho.

back to christmas for a second. what did santa bring me?? hmmmmmmmmmm, same as last year, jack shit. but other than that, i got a kick-ass booby shirt made of black mesh. very cool. an extremely weird yet also kick-ass scarf from my neice. it's like a fuzzy tube, its the weirdest scarf i've ever seen. i likes it. my mamasita got me a gray victoria's secret bath robe. very cool. and i hear im getting a plaque with my name on it from another neice, hand made, mind you. i think that's it. it was nice to hang out with my mom again for a change, i didnt realize how much i'd missed her over just two weeks of being rebellious. and i think i spelled that wrong. hm.

do you ever feel like your life is like a balloon floating in a pin factory? no? why not? oh, i see, you dont go for stupid analogies. well, bleigh for you then!! yeah, whatever that means.

i feel the need to bore you with poetry, if you feel as if you should be exempt from this, please scroll down and be sure to leave an acceptable excuse after the period. thank you.

I AM DEAD

i am dead
i am no longer here
yesterday i was afraid
today there's no reason to fear
there are no more troubles to chase me
there are no more problems to phase me
there is no more time to decide my fate
over are the questions; over is the wait
my family has come to cry and mourn
to look at my body worried and worn
my mother stands alone and cries
my father comes; stands my her side
it seems like such a waste of tears
spilling over lost and soon forgotten years
soon they'll place my box in the ground
soon they'll forget that i'm not around
once all this funeral headache is done
they'll return once again to their simple life's fun
without me...

CONTINUE READING HERE!!! i wrote that in church as a matter of fact. no relavance, it had nothing to do with the sermon as i remember, just thought i'd throw that out. bon apetit.

i have been told recently that i have a tendancy to be morbid. so in my own defense, here's another for you from the eyes of a small child.

MY DAD

i saw a man walking through the sand
he looked a me and took my hand
we took off running towards the sky
and pretty soon we began to fly
we headed off through the atmosphere
about this time i lost all my fear
we jumped to venus and then to mars
we played hide and seek behind the stars
we ran in circles around the sun
then he hung the moon and we were done
after that he took me home
he helped straighten my hair out with my comb
then he put me to bed and i was glad
to have a guy like him to be my dad

so, there. i'm not all gloom and death. of course this could be interpretted as an out of body experience where a child gets one last visit with her father's ghost. but on second thought, that's pretty lame, so let's not make that analogy.

brrr. it was so cold in my room last night i could see the breath from my nose. my poor little icicled fingers. owie.

g'night...

BLEIGH

well, update time yet again. calm down, i can feel your excited vibrations rippling through my little body already. it's either that or my electric underwear. hmmm.

did the whole christmas party thing this weekend. got far too drunk and lost far too many clothes than i should have. played party games such as pin the tail on the donkey. we drew numbers for random presents, that was pretty cool. i managed to get wafer crackers with garlic dip, this is strange to me, but it came in a pretty box so i guess that's all that matters. not as pretty as a 10 game in 1 box set, but who needs that? ::sniff:: i managed to crack a persons skull and my knee cap simultaneously. all in all i had fun though, i didnt get a hangover, so this made the whole night worth while. sunday i spent lounging around with 'drinker's remorse' if there is such a phrase, its a notable concept, but if the phrase actually exists, i do not know.

monday morning, i awoke with some strange african flu virus, also shared by paul or so i hear. ickity. i spent half of my yesterday piled up in a heap on the bathroom floor and the other half piled up in a heap under the double folded electric blanket. bleigh, bleigh, bleigh. twas nasty.

and that concludes my weekend, and because i'm too lazy and not afraid to steal from other peoples websites, just in case any other people besides the whopping 2 that usually comes, here, enjoy some pictures... livingcrazy.blogspot.com

BEHOLD, DARBY!! THOU HAST BEEN PIMPED!!

pickle juice

just not at the last bite of the hamburger. sheesh.

just about to get off lunch. my tummy is oh, so full. ::burp:: excuse me. not alots happened since last time. i found out night before last that it's illegal to purchase alcohol after 2 in the morning. and as it turns out, everyone else in the world knows this, too. but it's okay. i dont mind being looked at repeatedly like a dumbass. not a-tall. oh, well, my alcoholism will just have to wait till....tonight, i guess, if i can get off early enough. let's see. hm. (oh, yeah, oh yeah oh yeah OH YEAH! YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!) okay, looks like my alcoholism can resume tonight.

anyways, now that that's out of the way for the week. having a christmas party tomorrow. wah-hoo. i Am looking forward to it, despite what some people think. this'll be the first social gathering like this for me in quite a while, i'm eager to see how this turns out. i see some heavy drinking and heavy crying and cursing coming out of this, but you never know. it might be absolutely wonderful. i am getting a present, so it can't be all bad. i might just buy a santa hat. just cause i'm wild and crazy like that.

i'm off work next thursday and friday. i am soooooo happy. oh my gosh am i happy. i dont know what i'll do, but i wont be here and that's all that's important. i'm also off friday after next too. that'll be cool. my paychecks are gonna suffer, but i really dont make that much anyway, so it all works out fine. speaking of which, 401k is the devil, in case anyone wants to know. i'm sure i'll appreciate this once i'm 60, but for now, damn. they took out $64.65 this week. i didnt realize that little percentage would turn out to be that much. oh, well. at least i might be able to afford a nice retirement home for myself.

well, back to work.

Bask

ah, bask in the ever glowing glory of my presence which has now returned. i was oh, so deathly ill yesterday. i had my icky day of this cold that i've had for like a week now. so, i laid in bed most of the day, staring at the ceiling, rasping for breath. not pleasant. i coughed up stuff yesterday no one should ever have to taste, least of all me. ickity. yes, you did want to know that, trust me. it will help you later on in life.

well, let's see. i had a meeting today at work as soon as i got here. like a real close the door, boss and supervisor meeting. i got in trouble for something that wasnt my fault. this is rare for me. i'm completely used to my laziness getting me in trouble, as it should. but this irritates me. no story there, just irritating. also, little miss "pamper me 'cause i'm pregnant" has this little quirk about not being able to handle two radios at one time on opposite ends of the office both on volume level negative 5, but whatever. no story there either, it just bugs me.

ummmm, i saw mean girls today. not as good as expected, but what did i really expect?? so, it was an acceptable disappointment. and i'm okay with it.

alright, time to get back to work. yippee...

oh, and ho ho ho, merry christmas

one fish two fish red fish blue fish

heidi ho!! i got off work, wah-hoo and now here it sit. bored out of my itty bitty skull. on second thought, my skull's not that itty bitty, its just the monstrous size of my brain that makes my skull seem so small. yeah, thats it....::cough::

anyway, i'm bored so enjoy some poetry from myself and a little miss morgan.

LAST NIGHT…

I am so tired.
Man, I hope I don’t get fired
For falling asleep on the job
And acting like a slob
Drooling all over my desk
And making such a nasty mess
For dreaming of flowery fields and butterflies
And banana splits and chocolate pies
About lollipops and teddy bears
And little gnomes that have no hairs
With nosy little whispers all around me
Oh no! I think my boss found me
“WAKE UP! WAKE UP!” My boss says
“What happened? You’re made completely out of pez
You smell so good, you smell so right
Do you mind if I have a bite?
One little bite, just one?
I promise after that I’ll be done”
“NO!” I screamed. “YOU CAN HAVE NONE!!”
And I fell out of my chair trying to run
But I could not run; my legs were made of jello
All fruity and red and green and yellow
“This makes no sense”, as I scratched my head
“Wait a minute…I must still be in bed.”
I took off crawling toward the door
I jumped outside and landed on my floor
OUCH!! I won’t do that any more
And my clock says it’s only half past four
I guess I should probably go back to sleep
So I’ll crawl back in bed and not make a peep
I try to get up, only I can’t
I look down at my legs and I almost faint
My legs are all fruity and red and green and yellow
My legs really ARE made out of jello
Oh, well, I guess I’ll just sleep on the floor
And maybe I won’t have any of those crazy dreams anymore,
Goodnight

You don't see me...

Tool

lunch time, finally. kcf........................er, kfc, maybe?? whatever the case, nummy. (30 seconds later) it amazed me how fast i get full. i've had one and a half chicken strips. eh, oh well.

let's see. this weekend. what happened?? not too damn much. stayed home all pissy like on saturday. but i got a whole bunch of daria watched, woo-hoo!! and i got a few presents wrapped. finally. sunday me, darb, and luap all went christmas shopping. i finally got my mom's stuff. now all i have left is my sisters. they might wind up getting scrooged. depends on my phone bill this month. and yes, i can call you darb if i want to. darby, my fella. anywho...

i was thinking today about childhood christmas traumas, and by today, i mean the last minute or so. i had a thing when i was little about real from-the-woods christmas trees. i absolutely would not have a christmas tree farm tree. well, i just found out last year that my dad used to go to farms, buy a tree, go put it out in the woods and when we went tree hunting, he'd pretend to cut it down. not really a trauma, but it did hurt my feelings when i found out. although, he has run out of the house before on christmas eve, shoot into the sky, and sing and dance about he got rudolph so santa aint coming this year. ah, my beloved father. who'd have thought we'd have grown apart the way we did. hm. that being said, i do love my father, we just dont get along sometimes. now that i finally got around to them teenage years, a little late, but i'm getting there. damn heathen. yep, went to dyin' my hair and what not. yep. whew. devil child.
enough sarcasm...

alright, well this lunch break has gone on for about an hour now, soooo i'll release you all back into the real world again, or at least another part of this virtual one you're playing with.

didnt i....didnt i........didnt i see you cryin'???

as it turns out, i got home, stuck my hand in my pocket, felt a bag of hot chocolate mix, and sure enough...I FORGOT MY MARSHMELLOWS!!! :::sobs::: maybe i'll remember next time. oh, well.

and as far as comments go: yes, i do have a hard time saying congrats. i also absolutely refuse to say God bless you after someone sneezes. and it irritates me a little when people tell me that, but only a little.

have you ever really thought about what you wanted out of life?? i mean like really, really thought about it. what do i want out of life?? a house? a white picket fence? a wonderful, loving husband who worships the ground i walk on and loves more than anything to play with my sexually sensitive hair? (too much information? oops) 2.3 children, a polka dotted puppy and an exotic rare snake collection? or is this just what i hope to achieve if i get really, really lucky?? i was thinking last night about some of the things in my life that i've never experienced. i have never sky dived (dove??) not that i'd want to, yeek, let's start smaller. i've lived in the same town for the past 21 years. and they've been 21 very long years, mind you. i've never been out of the country. i have no tattoos, i have two small piercings in my ears only. i've never kissed a girl. i've never even had a broken bone. where's that wild side that was supposed to pop out at me when i was a teenager?? i'm still waiting around. ever increasing alcohol consumtion that my parents dont admit to knowing about is as close as i've gotten so far. it seems to me that i've managed to suppress *almost* every single animalistic instinct and urge that my little body creates. i've done a pretty damn good job, too. this is sad to me. not for any particular reason, i sort of feel as if i'm wasting my life. **SHOCK** shut up, smart ass. :P oh, wait.......uh. anyways. i have the best body i've ever had in my life...going completely to waste. i wish i were more atheletic. hm.

now then, to pick up my drama that i just spewed all over you and put it back in my pocket. ahem. :::scoop:::

i began to wonder this ever so bright and cheerful christmas season (bleigh) if there is a such thing as hard rock/heavy metal christmas music. i know there's hard rock christian, so surely they threw a christmas hymn or two in there, hm? i figure this is a wonderful idea and has to exist somewhere out there. if anyone can find this, this is a GREAT idea for a christmas present. otherwise, i'll buy this from someone. so, think on that. i'm interested and looking.

oh, and who said that just because you have a child you're allowed to talk about them 24/7 at your work place??? hmm??? i think there should be a limited number of words or a time period allotted to the discussion of one's offspring in the work place. just a thought...help me get a petition...

California Dreams...

hm, i thought that was the song that was on the radio, turns out its not. eh.

well, i had tons and tons of stuff going though my head on the way home from work last night. turns out i just don't have it in me today. just got through eating a double cheeseburger from mcdonalds. ickity. found out yesterday that a girl i work with is pregnant. she's been married for two years and they've been trying. and since i'm supposed to be happy about this, i am. i even told her congratulations, it took me a while, but i did it. wow, was i proud. this is on my list of obligation words that i try to avoid.

i've decided i want to try yoga and that's about all thats fallen in my little void today.

Part Two

i figure it's after work, everybody i know is either asleep or doesnt want to talk to me, so why not update again, but on a happier subject?? which was my actual intent in the first place earlier tonight. so, time for the second time tonight, here we go:

okay, well, after forever and a day of searching for upbeat thing, you know what?? either they're not there or i really can't see them, but i did stumble upon a few quirky little tidbits.

i just read 101 reasons why your fingers are better. (than a lover i suppose) here are a few:

You can use them to try out stuff *you* heard from friends without worrying about it going horribly wrong

You don't have to smile at them afterwards.

Your fingers won't just fall asleep afterwards

You can't get pregnant from your fingers(someone i know should be enjoying this IMMENSELY right now, you know who you are)

They don't shrink afterwards

They won't be disgusted when you have your period

have you ever noticed now much moist strawberrys resemble tiny mutilated body parts?? i'm drinking a strawberry limeade. that looks pretty funky, now, more weird stuff

http://www.spraci.com/boards/newcastle/newcastle/59373.html i stay up till 1:30 in the morning and this is the weirdest thing i can come up with. i am so ashamed.

* If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall. somehow this makes up for my last one...

Creepy baby Jesus head soul-saving website Link all i have to say about this is, this baby is not jewish, so there...um, yeah.

"Ninjas killed my family"Link and i am the person who would fall for this. its only a picture, lOOk...

anyways, this shall bring an end to my tyranny for tonight. (because i'm a tyrant now? what the hell did that mean?) so, i will release you now to whatever it was you were doing before you ever so graciously came to see me. i appreciate it and was happy that all 2 of you showed up. yay!! alright. enthusiasm shown, now off to bed...

How the hell did I hurt your feelings???

**diclaimer**none of this site has any malicious intent!! (including the title) this is for educational enlightenment only...

i just wanted that stated before this was read any further, now enjoy...

i was told recently that reading my site made people think that i was overly depressed and it seemed as if i was about to commit suicide. weird. not the case. i promise. well, not the second part anyway. depressed? yes. suicidal? no. i dont believe in suicide. so, with that in mind, i decided to take my site in a new direction today. i was going to be perky, joyful, and full of spunk, with lively pictures and cutesy articles and such in a very non-jane like fashion. but upon further consideration, i can't bring myself to do it. i apologize. i thought on it very hard though. but in the spirit of new directions, let's talk about SEX. or rather, i'll print something and you read attentively. this is not my favorite subject in the world, as anyone who has ever met me can tell you, but i found this rather interesting...

"The brain is the body's most sensitive "sex organ." Sexual desire starts in the brain and works its way down. Chemicals in the brain called neurotransmitters help brain cells communicate with each other in order to stimulate blood flow to the sex organs. In a person with depression, these chemicals are out of balance. As a result, sexual desire is low or nonexistent. In addition, low levels of some of these chemicals can dull pleasurable feelings. The strain that depression places on relationships can further interfere with sexual function and pleasure.

It is estimated that 35-47% of people with depression experience some sexual problems. The severity of the problem depends on the severity of the depression and the presence of anxiety. For those with more severe depression, 61% have sexual problems. "

the article goes on to talk about antidepressent medicines and such. anywho, just thought i'd be quirky and different today.

aw, hell, why not?? http://www.sesameworkshop.org/ go make yourself feel better.

oh, and i love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, i hope you'll say you love me too. http://www.hitentertainment.com/barney/flash_mx/sites/?c=us

enjoy!!

Got a bad case of the cricket legs...

yeah, i need to shave.

i know you're all dying to read about what happened in my weekend. well, you should be anyway. aaaaaand we're off!!! friday was interesting. interesting in a way like you dont really remember what happened, but you're sure you were alive that day. saturday was the natchitoches christmas festival. yippee. i got all festive and wore almost completely black. but i got a multi-colored christmas light necklace to offset. so, i was practically santa claus. we watched the parade, i didnt get a damn plastic cup AGAIN this year, so i bitched all day. not really. well, i did bitch all day, but not about the cup. :) i really did want one of 'em, dangit. i also did not get any mardi gras beads. well, i did, later after the parade. SOMEONE picked up two sticky, wet necklaces off the ground. thank you Someone. but, in all honesty, as icky as that was, it was a sweet thought. i think... as long as it wasnt just to get me sticky with unknown stickiness. hmmmmmmmmm....we then proceeded to go to the 'Kee club, as i heard it referred to recently, where i then commenced to becoming very, Very heavily intoxicated. orange juice and vodka. the orange juice didnt taste that bad coming back up, but wow on the vodka. but i didn't die sunday, so i was proud. my intestines somehow managed to stay inside my body.

sunday night after i managed to relearn how to stand without vomiting, we put up the christmas tree. well, i fluffed; he hung. (as always, reeeer) so, all in all, i had a good weekend. not a great weekend, but a good weekend. hey, they can't all be thanksgiving, now can they??

so, munchkins, duty calls and i must answer...'ello?..... 'ello?...... 'ello?

Quickie

i was recently told there was nothing wrong with a quickie, so HERE WE GO!!!

ouch, thats gonna be my only attempt at enthusiasm today. ahem, here we go:

not much has happened the past few days. still eating that nasty-ass popcorn. i believe we've covered this before. i dont like to waste and since i had two bags of the vomitious popcorn, i figure i might as well eat it. ickity.

ooh, here's some wild and exciting news for you. i discovered the other day, yet again, that i may possibly NOT be the most intelligent person in the world. how? you might ask. well, let me tell you. i got in a fight with a fire place door day before yesterday. it took me several minutes to get the thing open with a bent metal/wooden stick you have to stick in a little screw groove. and i'm gonna assume you know what i'm talking about. point being: the door was heavy and difficult to open. so, after putting a little more on the fire, i figured it would just be easier to push the extremely heavy solid steel door shut with my hand. yeah, two of my fingers were numb till yesterday and one is still blistered up. so we pick up strange drunk hitchikers and play with steel fire place doors. this just goes to show you that you can still learn EXTREMELY valuable lessons well into adulthood. yay for learning.

well, chicklets (or chitlens as our southern colloquialisms would have us say) it's time to say good-bye. my lunch break is over. OH! A TEAR FOR PATRONIOUS!! quo vadas. very old movie. nevermind. miss me, cry hard, and

CHELLE: CALL ME!!! (notice the name protection, :P)

till next time...brush your damn teeth!!