Wednesday, December 30, 2009

oh, fat tummy, are you hiding a kid in there?

i often wonder the reaction i would have if i found out i was pregnant. would i be angry? i have a pretty strong stance on the breeders of our society. the one's who think there is no other way to acquire a tiny human to carry on your legacy besides brewing one on your own. people every day breed accidentally then give those accidents away or sell them. i believe the correct term is "adoption", but i think we know that it means the same thing. i've always wanted to have my tubes tied and buy one pre brewed for me. that way i could have the baby and keep the body. not to say that it's a particularly nice body, but i know basically how it works and i'd like to keep it that way. would i be sad? the body aforementioned could be destroyed in this accidental endeavor. would i be scared? my finances as a single person have never been the best. would i be able to afford to carry another person if i had to? would i have to? would "daddy" fearfully and angrily cast me aside like an old busted shoe or would he reluctantly marry me out of social obligation and pity? would i be ashamed? that i let down my own breeding standards. because the world is vastly over populated as it is and i just had to go and add yet another breeder to the world's pool. would i be ashamed to show my face? i've thought on that one alot. how embarrassed i'd be to have to go to work, knowing that i'll only get bigger and fatter and everyone will "know". what will they know exactly? that i'm not a virgin? that i've had sex? i think that secret's been out of the bag for quite some time now. would i be ashamed that i'm forgetful? like maybe if i'd remembered to take my pill at 9 pm sharp, instead of midnight when i woke up from my nap that maybe, clumsy ass, this wouldn't have happened and i deserve whatever hell and misery comes my whorish way? could i be happy? would that be possible? i'll admit, as i've gotten older, there is something about a spritely wide eyed baby that does make my uterus yearn. but is it the same way a sexy man makes my genitals yearn? just nature and genetics? and it's my job as an enlightened, conscious animal to be able to say "no" to such urges. just because i want something does not mean i'm entitled to get it. right? just because i have the equipment doesn't mean i HAVE to use it, right?

god, my stomach hurts.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

letter to deedle

soooooooo, christmas has come and gone and i'm even slightly more proud of my boyfriend than i was merely a week ago. #1) he bought me the mario collection for the
wii. it has been AWESOME. i've tried to give him a turn on the original mario, but i just rock it so hard. it's hard to play two player on that when player two is being so severely overshadowed by the raw awesome power of player one. ya know?? #2) he also got me a keyboard, a learning to read music basics book, several piano books, and he's learning to play piano with me. he knows the basics of how to read music and he plays the guitar very well, but he's not really familiar with piano. it was so cool. so, soooo cool. we've played together a little bit, but i've barely touched it because i'm still kind of embarrassed and afraid to play in front of him. (since i know virtually NOTHING about music theory or rhythm or anything else necessary to touch a musical instrument) he also got me a set of head phones that plug in so i can play all i want without worrying about people hearing me suck. he's headed to baton rouge the first half of this week and he said if i know what's good for me, i better be able to play him twinkle twinkle little star by the time he returns. at least the twinkle twinkle part.

my new years resolution is to pick up my poetry writing again, master the keyboard by summer, and have all the kids personalized cd's made by next christmas(and of course be famous and rich by 2012). time to get crackin!!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


i'd like to respond to you personally, but alas, your name did not have an attached link and you may as well be anonymous. otherwise i could've commented on your blog. eh.

fyi, i Never delete comments....ever. it's such a rarity anyone that stumbles across my tiny site, let alone actually give two hoots enough to leave a comment just for me. heaven forbid i erase that. that's the one thing that comes along every six months to remind me i'm not writing in an electronic diary.

i actually started writing this post a week or so ago and now forgot the point i originally intended to make. in short, i am not nor was i ever 90 day jane. just another girl with the same name and same dark hair. god bless the internet, right?? except i haven't had super short hair since i was like 17, but it looked cute on her, so i don't take offense to the confusion.

p.s. in the search for this picture, i came across this and am a little speechless. i would also like to say that you feel free to go ahead and purchase this for me. i won't mind.

Monday, December 07, 2009

who needs a hobby??

as an experiment, i've been watching animal videos on youtube for a little more than an hour. specifically running mice and talking cats. Feather has been 100% captivated the ENTIRE time. she was practically drooling at the mice; she finally got upset about the cats. she got up and came and pressed her nose on the screen and kept darting back and forth between the screen and the speaker like she couldn't figure out why the two weren't one. ya know????

yes, i did. i DID just spend over an hour of my life watching my cat watch you tube. this is my private life. it's okay to be a little jealous.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

yawn, smack, grunt, snort

i hate this picture, but i can't seem to stop looking at it.

well, it's 3:30 am and i just got home from whoring around. man, what a night. actually, i got home yesterday, played online for about 2 hours, then fell asleep. surprise. i seriously need a hobby. or a second job. but i don't see that anywhere in my near future.

although, i actually did do a few useful things yesterday. i went grocery shopping yesterday. RESPONSIBLY. i went to the store and bought ONLY what was on my list. i wound up spending only 14 dollars. wooooo!! look at me go. once i left the store with my two tiny bags, i passed one of those christmas bell ringers for the american red cross or...........something with a red pot. a little, skinny, old black man. it was down in the 40's today. having no cash, but being the nice person that i am(wanting to be), i had an internal fight(with an extended panic attack) that lasted all the way to the nearest gas station, at the hot chocolate machine, and all the way back to kroger's. once there, it took every ounce of umph that i had to force my body out of my car. i closed my eyes as i walked up to him and told him i was sorry that i didn't carry cash, but i knew it was really cold outside and he was under no obligation to drink this, i hadn't touched it, actually there was a trash can right there if he wanted me to go ahead and throw it away for him. he kind of giggled and thanked and blessed me. he just held it as i got back in my car. yeah, he TOTALLY threw that away once i drove off. ungrateful bastard!!! i actually had to sit for a minute pretending to warm my car back up before i could drive because my vision had gone blurry from nerves. i'm hoping a cold sore does not come from this little act of kindness. i finally calmed back down about the time i hit the interstate after several minutes of intently telling myself it was the right thing to do. i'm just no good at this interacting with other people thing.

a few weeks ago, i got a no seat belt ticket right by my house. i do not take seat belts seriously and therefore do not take cops who give seat belt tickets seriously. i am not normally a rude person when it comes to people in authority, but after he turned his lights on i continued driving into my gas station and asked if i had to remain in my vehicle or if i could pump gas during this. so, i pumped gas, he did his thing, we nodded and went on our ways. i finally got off my ass to go pay that ticket today. turns out there's a 5% fee added if you pay any other way besides cash. GAY. i paid it anyway. it only came out to like a dollar twenty five or so. you can do the math yourself because i'm not going to.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that's about it. hmm. guess i didn't do as many useful things today as i thought i had. oh well.

aw, man. it's only 3:45????????? what the crap am i supposed to do until work?? maybe i should wash clothes or bathe or something. ooh, or perhaps another nap is in order.

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

jane's pathetic diet: wednesday edition

i've been on a failing diet for a couple months now. when i originally started on my mostly vegetable, VERY high fiber diet, i lost 12 pounds. i am stuck on my current diet now at 140. the difference?? i've switched from little meat to no meat. (except for the rare occasional wild game) i feel like attaching the word "vegetarian" to my current diet has flipped some switch in my head. vegetarian=healthy. do you know what "vegetarians" generally eat?? well, not meat!! do you know what is considered not meat?? apples, bananas, carrots, corn, celery, broccoli, raisins, and a plethora of other yummy fruits and veggies. do you know what ELSE is considered not meat?? oreos, donuts, ice cream, frappaccino, french fries, and so on and so on. you ever seen any animals harmed in the making of an oreo?? right. i didn't think so. so, that makes them okay to eat!! but there's such a healthy aura surrounding this word. because really, when's the last time you saw a fat vegetarian?? never?? that's what i thought. i've also slacked off ENTIRELY on my exercising because of that last sentence as well. no fat vegetarians; they don't need to work out, they don't eat fat!! bam. problem solved.

el wrongo.

with this in mind, i've decided (again) to try to go back hard core on my previous diet that worked. i will still remove as much meat products as i possibly can, but i'm going to stop it with the sugars and as much carbs as i can. such an irresponsible eater i've turned out to be. today for lunch i made possibly the most disgusting looking soup i've ever seen. i tried taking a picture for you, but alas, my phone is a piece of poop and i can't seem to email pictures anymore. ahem:
1 can of market pantry homestyle italian style vegetable soup: 120 Calories for the whole can
1 can of carrots: 150 Calories, whole can
1 can of spinach: 150 Calories, whole can (but a crap TON of fiber)
1 handful of dry oatmeal: 100 Calories
salt and pepper

so, i've got 520 Calories worth of food that will last me at LEAST 2 days, if not more. assuming i do not eat it for every meal. now, it LOOKS amazingly disgusting, but it's surprisingly good. not surprisingly Great, but good. turns out that spinach has a bit of a tendency to over power the rest of the dish. not so much in flavor, but volume. once you start stirring that spinach, it just seems to get bigger. like seaweed trying to choke out all other plant life in the bottom of my ocean............pot.

anyway. today 140 lbs. next week, 135 lbs.