Friday, January 29, 2010

i can't trap a mouse, but i can pet a cat

no. i'm really serious. i'm really very good at that.

guess which one i am?? right. the one in all black and the least happy to be in this picture. this is my "for the love of buddha, hurry up and take this picture. you can see my teeth!!!" pose.

after consuming many, many alcoholic drinks tonight, it has come to my attention that the incredible age difference between my sisters and i will forever keep us from sharing things we would normally share if we were say NOT so torn apart by incredible age differences. for instance, my sisters, who were WILD AND CRAZY!!!! in their youths, have now settled down and think everything i do is just "because i'm young" and "because i don't know any better' and because "one of the cats just shit in the hallway" good god almighty, does anyone smell that but me?? jeebus cripes. hoo. anyway. i will never be able to go drinking with my sisters. even if we are past the bar age, we will never be able to drink a drink together at home because my sisters have learned the dangers of alcohol and are waaaaaay too mature to do that sort of juvenile thing now. we will never be able to openly discuss sex. what i get now is "oh my goodness no, i don't know what you're talking about!! i wish you two would just get married, then maybe i would be able to relate" give or take actual quotations. it saddens me that my sisters grew up together and experienced singlehood (i mean unmarriedness) together and i will not. i was recently told ... hold on ... let me find it... here we are "i love how you think everyone else is a yard stick you have to measure yourself by". which is the sad sad truth. i feel like i am missing out for not having sisters i can actually relate to. ignoring the fact that there are millions of "only children" that will never get to experience the joy of "fellowship" i get to experience at family functions, albeit from the side lines. perhaps i'm not meant to be exactly like julie or exactly like johnette or deedee or laverne. perhaps i am just meant to be like jane. just jane. and only jane. maybe i am supposed to act this way because i DO have ocd. the person inside of me enjoys counting even numbers. the person inside of me enjoys collecting spoons. the person inside of me thinks that something with the capability of experiencing fear shouldn't have to die because i decide to get the munchies at 2 am. so i don't want to eat meat? fuck me, really???? is it THAT big of a deal?? is it any bigger deal than people who don't enjoy most vegetables?? why do i have to constantly feel guilty and apologize for that?? christ. the person inside of me doesn't want my best friend to go down the list of exboyfriends and fuck them one by one. why am i so willing to say that to every one but her?? the person inside of me genuinely enjoys folk music. i dream of walking barefoot, bra less, in a flowey skirt on the river front listening to people play banjos and guitars and other musical instruments and sing about things that they "feel". i want to smoke marijuana and open my mind (but am currently unable to due to employment restraints so for the time being alcohol will just have to do). i want to tell the world the cute things my cats do. I ENJOY WATCHING CAT VIDEOS ON YOUTUBE!!! i hate shaving my legs. i LOVE the missionary position during sex. does that make me mundane?? i don't know, but i LOVE it. i enjoy taking up the interests of others in an effort to feel closer to them. why do i love zombies??? because rodney loves zombies. and i truly have taken them to heart. currently writing a zombie short story actually. had always been more of a vampire girl myself. (turns out zombies have more intricate details to be written about) I HAVE HERPES. right, i have cold sores due to no fault of my own. had them my entire life. i sweat more than your average person. this is most likely due to the abnormally large amount of worry and stress i endure on a daily basis. i enjoy sitting outside in the rain, regardless of how stupid it looks. i love it. i don't do it anymore because of male criticism, but i LOVE it. feels like nature is playing a friendly game with me and is daring me to play back. i like to dance like a stripper in my bathroom when i'm alone. i have ZERO rhythm, but i enjoy it and it works my abs and legs. no wonder strippers are in such good shape. you get to exercise at work all day. I LOVE TO MASTURBATE!! even a girl, yeah, i enjoy my fun parts just as much as a guy does!!! i like my boobs!!! i feel guilty for liking my boobs because they are not your typical boobs and they are not the boobs seen in the rest of the picture above, but they get the job done and they're the perfect carry on size. they'll never give me back problems and they're just enough to be fun, but not enough to be in the way. they're perfect and i love 'em, but i'm afraid everyone else will not. so, it makes me apologize for not being the standard. (they are nice. nice in a way like snickers are your favorite candy bar and someone just handed you a snickers fun size...kind of like that)I LIKE MY FUCKING WEIGHT. despite how guilty i feel about how i do not LOOK quite as cute as i used to look and may not be as charming in bed as skinny jane was. i feel i am at a point now where i am healthy, i look pretty good in clothes and i do not vomit constantly. i can actually genuinely enjoy food. back when i was all petite and cute, i ate once a day, if that and i was constantly throwing up and never really enjoyed what i ate. i hope brad dison dies from aids and rots in hell. i love working with industrial men. it makes me feel grounded. alot them are older and honestly it reminds me of my dad sometimes. my dad is old and likes to bitch and raise hell, but doesn't really mean it. just the way old men workers are....if that came out right. i enjoy my writing style. i constantly apologize for it, but i go back and read my old entries and laugh at them constantly. i love the way i write. i love my poetry. my stupid, childish poetry. i love it. it amuses me every time. i love the way that i sing. i can't sing "on key" per say, but i love the way i sing. given enough practice on a road trip, i can do a dead on amanda palmer impersonation. i don't know what exactly keeps me from just being me on a day to day basis. i'm constantly terrified of offended someone or not being exactly what they expect me to me. i'm constantly afraid i'm annoying someone. i'm constantly afraid i'm getting in someone's way. why do i not allow myself to just be the person i am when i'm alone...around everyone else?? i constantly feel like i'm not living up to anyone's expectations and it's my job to apologize for it and reassure you, I AM SORRY FOR THE WAY I AM.

ah well.

it's 3 am and i gotta go to work in a few hours......

i learned the beginning of twinkle twinkle little star today. :)

Monday, January 25, 2010

His and Hers

we ate pizza TWICE this past weekend. what?? we are pigs you say?? i say we are daring!! i say we laugh in the face of normal society that states you can only eat ridiculously fattening food that is mostly bread and cheese and calories and grease once a week, twice if you are bold!! i say we are super duper bold and will eat it as many times as we please!!....or until we get physically ill.

ALTHOUGH, in an effort to pretend to at least bid a respectful farewell to my diet for the weekend, i did buy turkey pepperoni instead of pork and the fat free cheddar cheese. also, on my side there is only spinach and mushrooms, both of which are virtually calorie free. and the crust was intended to be thin(supposedly lower calorie)....but i accidentally let it melt so i just clumped it into one big blob and mashed it out as best as i could and what we came up with was possibly the ugliest pizza ever made, but good googly moogly, it was feather plucking delicious.

oh, and we also broke my bed in an unfortunate genital exercising accident. so, there was a lot of calorie burning in addition to the pizza eating. so, i guess really my two days off weren't a total diet waste...back to eating tomatoes and spinach today, though.........yay......

as you can see, the second pizza turned out A LOT more aesthetically pleasing.....i'm thinking cinnamon rolls for this coming weekend!!!

p.s. did you read that part where we broke my bed?? because we totally did. :)

Laissez Le Bon Temps Roulet

a few years ago, our night clerk and his fill in were both out sick one night and they just HAD to have someone cover. that's actually the position i started out at, so i quickly volunteered for the overtime. i'd missed the harassment from the linehaul truckers and all that went along with it. however inappropriate it may be to place a young, thin female in the midst of dirty old truckers, it's still a pretty damn fun environment to work in....most of the time. this one driver in particular, who had apparently become a regular since i stopped working the shift, kept coming in the office alllllllll night loooooooong. he kept asking me what kind of music i liked and what kind of movies i watched and my age, marital status, residential get the point. at the end of the night, when his cut time rolled around, he came in the office and said "well, i'm about to head back to lafayette but i just wanted to let you know, in case i don't get to see you again, you one fiiiiiiiiiiiine mothafucka." and left. that's been at LEAST two years. i got to work friday and had an email waiting that said "there's an envelope on my desk with your name on's a necklace from our lafayette driver." okay?? and this is what it was...i wasn't sure if i should be flattered or creeped out.....i'm gonna go with flattered, because if this kind of stuff creeped me out, i couldn't work where i work.

after opening it and going all the motions of a very confused person, my co worker said "ooh!! i'll take those if you don't want 'em!! my little girl is doing a mardi gras float for school and we could use 'em!!" so, there they went because if i'd kept them, they would have just rotted in a box somewhere in my closet along with tons of other stuff i probably don't know the origin of anymore.

anybody out there ever seen the show hoarders?? thinking of signing myself up...

Friday, January 15, 2010

off to houston..................again.

it's friday night yet again and i'm about to head to houston. i don't have the usual excitement i normally do. it's not that i don't enjoy the destination, it's not that i don't enjoy the company, it's not that i'm not looking forward to my weekly nocturnal rewards (because believe me I AM, oh boy am i ever). i don't know if it's the new shift i'm on or if the drive itself is just getting old. i've been driving out to houston every weekend for months now....holidays excluded of course.

i was about to go into a useless whine about how lazy i am and i can't seem to find motivation for anything these days, but instead i think i'll just grab my bag and head on out.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

two dollars and fifty cents very well spent

bored on a friday night?? here's what to do!! trip to cvs: $2.50. half off special!!
you cannot see yet!!

smoke break.....can't look yet either....
teh-deh!! merclown??
mario shroom??

rodney's deep dark secret.....even he is covered in rainbows and sunshine.
and apparently a mole.....das veird. sssssshhhhhhh, he's sleeping.
aaaaaaaand these are the things we do to while away the time. :)

Friday, January 01, 2010

i started my period and a happy new year to me!!

we rang in the new year much like every other year. drunk but more sober than last year. and, there was no crying. that's always a plus. at the stroke of twelve, fireworks outside started going slap bonkers!! we kissed and i swear we fell asleep literally 45 seconds later. we're getting so old.
before our old age caught up to us, we learned a pathetically small portion of twinkle twinkle little star together on my fancy new keyboard that rodney dodney got me for christmas. is it amazingly tiny?? nope. just standing 5 feet away from it.
these are the books that came with it. i'm still working on that middle one. so far, i'd recommend it.

after that, we played rounds and rounds and rounds of nintendo. merry christmas to me, merry christmas to me. merry christmas to meeee-eeeee, merry christmas to me.
whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?? mario died!!!! ::: gasp :::: oh, no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
aaaaaaaaand lastly, this is how evey and jables rang in their new year. the same way they ring in every other day of the year. lazy ass cats.