Thursday, February 28, 2008

there's a grumble in my tummy. no need to worry, though. it's not an emergency grumble.

there are many things i love about my site. i love my black back ground. i love my (slightly)endless array of colors in which to update. i love my little place where i can put my title if i so choose. :: sigh :: my title space.......

another thing i love about my site is being able to receive comments. i love it. as much as i've thoroughly enjoyed my comments in the past almost *always* gotten from people i know, with the occassional little true anonymous person sprouting up here or there. i have never been...................that may be stretching it. since i became the "internet IT girl" for that week (per chris read) i've been overwhelmingly tickled by the quite astounding amount of hate mail and a few here and there hate comments. for example. fiasco dies down a little, so i decide to run a normal update. i receive one comment per little leafdot, whom i actually agree with. i've always said no one ever dies from cancer until they go to the doctor. then BAM!! you've got a brain tumor with three weeks to live. and another from some cyberpussy stating simply: "you should have killed yourself."

i LOVE how this person took the time and effort to read an entire update to tell me that i shouldve killed myself. wow. so astounded. well, you've thoroughly convinced me that I certainly know how to waste time.

oh, please do come back, won't you??

and i thought I got bored on monday afternoons. cripes. apparently this person doesnt get out much either. sorry, buddy. dont worry. i feel ya.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

You whisper up to me in your life of tragedy

and you slither up to me in your pimpin majesty.

happy birthday to me.
happy birthday to me.
happy birthday dear meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
happy birthday to me.

well, here i sit. now a quarter of a century old. bones a'creakin'. joints a'poppin'. belly a'spreadin'. ah, the joys of getting older. i cant metabolize shit these days. its crazy. i've gone from a nice little 123 pound frame 6 months ago to a whopping whale of a 146 pound, not even frame anymore, more of a, a uh, eh. something quippy. mmmmmm. well, basically the whole damn door, not just the frame. you read that joke and like it, damn it.

i actually received the most kick ass birthday card ever today. it was full of little factoids about february the 23rd and different things that happened in 1983 AND little tidbits about the number 25, one of which being that 25 is the generally accepted cut off point for the end of your youth. woohoo, look at me go. thanks, b.

as far as my breastesses go, i got the results of my biopsy back and alas, i do not have breast cancer. aww, man. and i was so excited. i do, in fact, have a fibroadenoma. a hardening of tissue in the breast that will basically just sit and take up room. although, my doctor did tell me he'd be more than happy to remove it if i wanted him to. right. . right. i'm gonna go have surgery to make my breasts even SMALLER. because these bee stings are seriously starting to get in the way when it comes to me standing next to flat walls. they're totally killing my espionage business. i wanted to take a picture of my bandage sooooo badly. but forgot about it until i was on the way to the doctor's office. so disappointed. i wish you couldve seen it. it basically looked like a starfish had been bludgeoned to death and then crucified on my
right tit. very nasty. you missed out and i shall mourn for you.

Monday, February 18, 2008


this is the real girl, if anyone cares. worth a read. i enjoyed it.

oh, and please see the previous post.

change of plans

if anyone alive can get me a copy of this magazine, i will mail you the money for it.

i love how they wrote a fake update down at the bottom of my picture. very odd indeed. no one actually went to the site an found this update, but meh. we're here now, i suppose. i tried logging in to post a comment, but it wont allow it. damn nazis. seriously, though. i'll pay anyone who can get me a copy of this.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

90 Day Apparently Alternative Me

i really just jumped online today to discuss boobs and how the most beautiful man in the world told me today how i needed a 24 hour mechanic. needed me one of them. and i blew it. well, fuck me sideways. but instead:

for starters: wow.

for seconds:tee hee.

and for thirds:yay.

i've finally received my first hate mail. look at me go. let's start at the beginning, shall we??

comment #1: i dont have any plans to kill myself and havent for at least a good four years. well, three and a half. at the time i was too into church and the like and way too fearful to attempt such a thing. after that, i realized everything will eventually hair over. one way or the other. actually, for the sake of honesty, the coin operated boy laughed at me whenever i mentioned it to him and i was very embarrassed to ever mention suicide again and felt extremely selfish and attention seeking for ever having mentioned it in the first place. thank you rodney. seriously.

comment #2:you have a very valid point. i have done extensive research on this and you are correct. did you know that there are in fact only 13 dark personalitied brunette 24 year olds in the entireity of the united states using the pseudonym of jane?? did you know that?? and only seven of these have ever seen the movie fight club. so, i can understand the confusion. i wouldnt exactly say incessant. i only blog like once a month these days, since i no longer have internet access at home. but we'll get to that later.

moving on.

comment #3: give it up, please send me a link. i'm interested to read.

comment#4:there are in fact only 27 drones in the whole of the us and only 3 of those are jane's.

comment#5:i tire of this. let's skip to the important ones or, at least, the ones that amuse me more.

it is extremely rare that i ever read other people's blogs. extremely. i actually havent blog surfed in at least a good year or more. and no, person whom i cant remember which number comment you left, i am not blog savvy. not at all. i asked that question with the hopes that one person in particular would answer it. he emailed me and we discussed it privately. also, other persom whom i cannot remember which number comment you left, do you really not like my style of writing?? you do not love it?? it does not burn your heart with the passion in which i intend?? because as i'm sure you can imagine, touching the inner lining of your soul is PRECISELY my goal here. PRECISELY. in all caps. see?? see the caps?? my heart aches. ouch. i shall have to now go an purchase a band aid. perhaps i should get one for you as well. give me your address and i will literally mail you a band aid for consolation.

ANAJ: i sincerely enjoyed reading your comment. honestly. i had my biopsy done day before yesterday. they took out 5 or 6 little samples and i wont know anything until next week. i was allowed to remove the giant bandages last night and today i'm having the serious pain. turns out the incision was right where my bra line is. i'm stuffed with socks and a little touch of gause today to be able to stand it. i actually look quite stacked for a change. i'm enjoyed the look of things despite the pain. underneath my shirt, on the other hand, i look like i have a gun shot wound. we'll see in a few days if it was nothing to worry about. again, thank you for leaving a real comment to my site.

TOM SERVO: i love mystery science theater 3000 and you should be ashamed. i'm going to go home tonight and cry for you. alot. with kleenexes. and stuff. and things....................and macaroni and cheese. alot of macaroni and cheese. with possible a hint of brocolli. then again, maybe not.

LEAFDOT: the valium was great. even though when i actually got INTO the office, fear took over and i became a panicked wreck.

JEFF: i appreciate it.

um. that about wraps it up. thanks, caine.

Friday, February 08, 2008

my horse is a shackled old man

hello, everyboDY.

in case i havent told you, because i was pretty sure i'd told everyone, i have a lump in my breast. that's right, i have a knot in my titty. the lower right side of my right breast has felt bruised for a good year now and a few months ago a mass came up just below and to the right of my right nipple. due to some heavy thwarting, i finally mosied myself up to the doctor, who didnt like the feel of it. so, she had me mosey on to another doctor. my first male doctor for my female troubles, by the way. i had an ultrasound done today. he said he didnt feel that it was anything serious with all the signs that it shows, but he couldnt really get a good definitive picture of anything. so, he has me scheduled for a biopsy on tuesday afternoon. he prescribed me a valium, which means i wont be able to drive. but it'll be a REALLY fun ride over there. so. any volunteers on chauffering me?? anyone?? anyone?? is that how you spell chauffer?? anyone?? anyone?? my spell check isnt working.

and apparently, my "add image" isnt working either. damn library. just you rest assured that it was plenty gross. it was a picture of a fibroadenoma, which is what my doctor is suspecting me of having. google image it. look at the ones that have been removed. you'll get the jist...

Friday, February 01, 2008

I Am Jane's Unrelenting Yet Caged Desire For Mental Freedom

here we are. groundhog's eve. ahh. smell the alfalfa.

alright. so, my nephew's mother is coming in to town this weekend. my nephew's mother, otherwise known as my sister, otherwise known as "laverne". otherwise known as "THE BONE CRUSHER!!" okay, that's not true. but she, her new fiance, her preteen son, her teenage daughter, victor, and I will all be staying in my home. part of me is thinking victor forgot to mention to his mother while planning this little tripperoo that the duplex i live in is two rooms: the holy refrigerator room and the bed/living/family room. i dont think six people will be able to fit in it. did i mention i had three cats??? oh, there's also the bathroom. i guess, if need be, we can always make somebody sleep in the bathtub. i better rush home to hide the porn, erotica, dildos, vibrators, and vodka. i'll let you know how that goes.

unless you're an ass. in which case, i wont. and you'll always wonder. but there wont be anything you can do about it.

i'm gettin' my hair did tomorrow morning. can you imagine?? i havent had a hair cut in probably two years or more. i dont even remember what that feels like. i'm going to get it cut and dyed. black with blue tips. small tips. tiny tips. microscopic tips. i think we're supposed to have some important people come to our office next week, so i dont wanna go too overboard and get in trouble with my terminal manager. please refer to the title.

the bra and panty set i bought are black with blue skulls and crossbones. it's kick ass. i know you've been on the edge of your seats waiting on that one.

now that the room mate is bringing in a steady paycheck, we've started catching up on bills and can start to begin to crawl out of the bottom of the ramen noodle packets, which, until now, is what has been the main sustanance in our diets. since there's a few extra pennies floating around, we've started renting movies. i saw fight club night before last. i was thoroughly amazed. i've avoided that movie since it came out as a "guy movie" riddled with action, boobies, and guys beating the shit out of other people. instead i was pleasantly surprised by intellect, insanity, and a HUGE THROBBING COCK. it still had the people beating the shit out of other people, but that part was surprisingly entertaining as well. i thoroughly enjoyed it all the way around. we also rented labrynth last night, which i fell asleep during about 7 minutes into it. i hope to finish that tonight and get started on the 'burbs and go a little further into season one of third rock from the sun.

i finally got my kitty spayed last week. in total it cost a HUNDRED and FORTY SEVEN dollars. i miss dr. blalock. now, twenty bucks of that are actually for boarding because i was still too drunk last saturday morning to go and pick her up and the office was closed on sunday so i had to wait until monday, but STILL. that's insane. she's gotta go back on tuesday to have her stitches removed.

her stainless steel stitches.

let's every one remember goblin in our prayers tuesday, please.