Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Lucky Lucky Autographed Glow In The Dark Snorkle

its weird how when you start to update on a regular basis you run out of things to talk about, isn't it?? although, please do not think this will stop me from finger talking anyway. oh no young penguin. oh no.

alright. so, one of the things i got for christmas was a $50 gift card to hot topic. you'd think you could buy like a shitload of stuff with fifty bucks, but as it turns out, i'm very indecisive and therefore, cannot make a decision. so, i frantically walked around that little 10x10 space for over an hour before deciding on the four things i'd been carrying around the whole time. which turned out to be: the green day cd: dookie, which i've wanted for a long time and now can't remember exactly why, but i bought the damn thing anyway. a set of nightmare before christmas full size bed sheets, which i hope to be enjoying shortly. (we're going down to my mom's this weekend to pick up my adult size bed and bring back the matchbox i've been sleeping on for the past few months.) and last, but not least: undies. that's right. i finally got some kickass underwear. they're bl...................wait a second. you may see them one day.

no. it's decided. i dont wanna ruin the surprise for you. suffice it to say, they're vury, vury cute. i'll tell you about them later. out of nowhere. you just wait!!

: sigh :

well, with only 39 minutes left. i do believe i'm gonna search ebay for a change.

hey, if any one runs across a jonathan coulton cd, obtain it for me via any means necessary and you shall be rewarded greatly.

please. they dont have them on ebay. i know. because i checked.



Friday, January 04, 2008

On The Radio, You'll Hear November Rain

i have discovered a new safe haven. it's called a "L.I.B.R.A.R.Y." its the coolest thing ever. large building. filled with books of every sort AND, check this shit out: they let you play on their internet for FREE!! the only down fall is they have myspace blocked for some strange reason. that and i'm not gonna be allowed to surf hours and hours of hot black midget porn. but seriously, you're not allowed to show any nudity on myspace so i really dont understand the reason for blocking it. meh. some things you just have to accept, i suppose. but at least i will be able to update my website slightly more regularly.

that looked like too many adverbs in that sentence. i can't decide. but i also started it off with a conjunction, just like this sentence. so, technically, it's not a proper sentence, so perhaps no one will hold that grudge against me. now, on with the updation!!!

things are starting to look up. my nephew Finally got another job. he started working at the bowling alley last week making more than he was at sears, which is an improvement. he gets, if not free food, then extremely cheap food from there. saving my grocery bill. he works evenings which gives me a little bit of privacy in the afternoons, but still allows me to have that comfort of not being alone at night. i've discovered with the help of the new genius i met, that you CAN in fact leave the oven open and the cats will not jump in. who knew?? so, now we have heat in the kitchen as well. its AMAZING. i can get up in the mornings without the fear of my legs snapping off at the knee due to prolonged hypothermia and eventual frost bite. which i have to recover from daily. very frustrating. i paid my rent on time this month and i dont have a fear of the check being hot.....for a change.

AND at the risk of embarrassing my new found friend. for which, i pre apologize for. and shall post apologize for later. i've also discovered only very, very recently what coitus was meant to be like. and praise the lord, because now i know.

praise the holy. sacred. jesus. indeed.

my minutes are slowly but surely dwindling before my eyes, so i suppose i'll jump offa here. but i'll leave you a snippet of one of my current favorite songs which is too long to fit in my title space. so, now you'll get to appreciate this verse in its entirety. you're welcome.

"No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again"

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

bite my lip and close my eyes; take me away to paradise

ah. beautiful masturbation. now let's get on it.

as i sat last night drunkenly pondering the mysteries of the universe, i thought of you good people. good person. my faithful reader. paul, you still read this shit?? pretending every couple of months, perhaps she'll have an update. maybe?? eh, probly not. so, for now i'll just write a letter to the believed vast emptiness of the void. maybe someone will happen upon it.

dear void,

it's that time of year again. THE BEGINNING. the time of year to gather all you've learned from the previous year's mistakes, wash you slate clean, and pretend you're not gonna do the same damn thing this year round. like keep taking back the one person who made me contemplate suicide on multiple occasions because my own worthlessness. or like fall awkwardly in some sort of love with an old friend you never should have messed with to begin with. or like fall slightly less hard for the next guy who comes along and treats you like third rate ass and insists upon calling you amos. or that thing i cant mention........jump slightly to the future, that other thing i cant mention. and, well, i just realized the rest are just things i cant mention. but we all make mistakes every year is my point. and we must try to find the reason for our errors and try not to repeat them. which brings us to the proverbial "new year resolution". you got any?? it's not a rhetorical question. i'd actually like to know.

this list was actually going to be a lot more personal, but i changed it at the last second. can you tell??

this year I:
will do crunches at LEAST once a week. it may be 3, it may be 42. but i will crunch my stomach.

will learn at least four phrases in german and wow my friends...........okay. i'll learn at least four phrases in german and have my nephew go. "huh. 'at's cool."

will get a professional hair cut.

will muster the balls to go get my tubes tied. you know it's covered by our insurance.?? turns out it's just an out patient surgery. this is actually a resolution that i will probably not keep. but would like to. do my part to contribute to the world's overpopulation problem.

will come to terms with the fact that i will never see 123 pounds again. EVER. it's just not gonna happen.

will get a new cell phone before my birthday.

will finally decide on either a tattoo or a piercing before my birthday. and DO it.

will stay single and obligation free until 2009.

this is the top part of my actual resolution list. there are a few i've kept to myself that i actually plan to hold myself to. no need for you to read those, though.

i'm being hurried off the computer which always creates a mental block when you're trying to write and constantly being asked "you ready now????" so, i guess i'll leave you good people. person. to another six months of wondering when she's gonna update and give me a bland taste of that good ole mediocrity once again. later, paul.

and for the record, i actually do like the nick name amos. i may start using it this year.

Happy New Year, Everybody!!