Friday, March 05, 2010

nocturnal horses

i'm moving to houston everybody. yayayay. i was pulled into my boss's office the other day to let me know there was a spot opening up in our houston terminal. i, obviously, accepted. i'll be handling the job i hate more than anything else that we do. OS&D. overages, shortages, and damages. so, basically nothing gets to me before it is thoroughly fucked up first. after getting too excited about the whole ordeal, my boss came and talked to me yesterday about how to get to my new work. the time it will take and the traffic that i will face. which brought up the fear of "how will my new boss accept my tardiness" assuming heavy traffic doesn't allow me to make it there on time. then he brought up how the neighborhood is SO bad that you'd better have ample gas before i leave my (new) neck of the woods, because this is DEFINITELY a place you don't wanna break down at. now thinking of buying a new car after i move to insure no breaking down of any mechanical sort occurs. he went on to describe all the women in my new office and how gruff they are and how most of them would be willing to duke it out with any man. you know, REAL trucker women, i guess. well. even though they're not truckers, they'd be office personnel. so, after my four shot espresso from starbucks i began to feel a great panic attack coming on. what if i'm shot and raped my first day?? I CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT KIND OF PRESSURE!! he also went on to explain how he's basically been told by everybody here that i am the "nucleus" of the shreveport terminal. the "nucleus". yeah, he used that word. that i've been the office clerk long enough, and worked all the shifts, that i'm.....part of what makes our tiny world go round?? not to say by ANY means that they could not live without me. because i'm pretty certain they can. it makes me feel a bit awkward to hear things like that because everybody's told me "aw, what are we gonna do without you??" which is sweet and appreciated, but they keep saying it. what do you say after you've said "thank you" for the 30th time?? "please go find yourself a new favorite person"?? i feel like i'm leaving high school. for me, i started kindergarten at the same place i graduated from. i saw the same people day in and day out my entire childhood. i graduated. 6 months later, i started at my current job. it's the only other place i've been in my whole life. i'm far, far sadder than i expected to be. especially since i've been BEGGING for any kind of transfer for the past like 8 months now.

so, the point i guess i'm really trying to make here is: i'm terrified. it's 6:41 am now and i just woke up because i had a dream i started my new job and a lady offered to take me home. when we got to the barbed wire exit gate, it was stuck, and none of the dockworkers standing outside smoking would help her open it. she was screaming "you should be ashamed of yourself!! i'm getting my hands all tangled in barbed wire!!" then these young guys came rushing out of the near by trailer park and grabbed her, pulled her out in to the yard just outside of the fence. since they were off of our property, no one wanted to go help her. they started attacking her from all sides, ripping her clothes off while simultaneously beating her in the head. i was in the process of jumping in the driver's seat to go run over them when i woke up sweating. i was wearing tiny bootylicious shorts and could only imagine what they would do to a small white girl once they got me. ::shudder::

surely it can't be as bad as all that. i mean, women work there. they have a fenced it yard with a guard shack. surely it must be somewhat secure. surely??

i'm going back to bed....


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