Friday, March 30, 2007

dont tell me if you're off to see the world. i know you wont get very far. dont tell me if you got another girl. just tell me if you get another car.

oh my god, what a month!! where to begin...

well, for starters, this is my new car. tada!! sorry i only took a picture from the shadowy side. not enough room to get a decent picture from the other side. if any one cares, i may try to take another, better, picture later.

i got this car officially on monday. lemme tell you that story:

last monday, i was on my way to bossier (blanchard actually) to look at a trailer and a lot for sale i'd found in the paper. i'd looked for it the weekend prior and i think the guy had given me the directions wrong so i decided to go a different route. always being the uncertain one, i called my dispatcher at work. you know, since giving directions is 9/10 of his job. he told me to turn around and get back onto I 220 (being the exit i'd just missed) so i got off at industrial dr where they're having a huge construction zone with barrels everywhere and what not and the traffic lights are out and covered with a material something. i sat at the stop sign for a while waiting on my clear shot. a big truck came to a rolling stop and i didnt see anybody else for a ways back (yeah, i said "a ways back". bite me and my grammar) so i went. about a half a second later i saw this long blue car JUST before she plowed into the driver's side of my car, spinning my car around and crushing the middle and back end. i sat stunned in the middle of the very busy street screaming and "OH, GOD!!"ing my head off before i realized that was probably not the safest place for me to be. so, i drove back up onto the exit ramp i'd just pulled out of. someone eventually came over to my car and told me the cops were on their way. someone else had to open my door because A) i'd busted my left arm to pieces and B) when she hit me it crushed in the middle divider and so part of my driver's door.

the ambulance and police got there minutes later. i requested to go to the hospital because i'd hit my head repeatedly in all the spinning and my elbow was constantly swelling and it felt like very small druids were starting to build a fire alter in my joint. protocol said i had to wear a neck brace and be strapped to the bed. I GOT TO RIDE IN AN AMBULANCE FOR THE FIRST TIME. WOOHOO!! i didnt realize until then how rough a vocabulary i had until then. i was, apparently, cussing every other word and the guys were having a field day off it. i'm assuming after seeing little shaking me this would be the equivalant of hearing alvin and the chipmunks going off on a "mother fucker-son of a bitch" rant. see?? i find that funny.

we finally got to the emergency room where i got x-rayed by the resident retarted blonde girl with big tits. who to all my questions responded "haha, oh really?" and continued beebopping her pony tail. i gave up.

as it turns out, my arm is not broken, just swollen and scabby. so, they sent me home with a sling and a two day work release. which, through the kindness of my new boss, turned into three days. heh heh.

since anyone who's actually read this far is probably desperately searching for the end somewhere close to here. this is for you:
my car was totalled completely.
my arm really isnt broken and working fine now.
the new car i got is a 2006 chevy cobalt still under factory warranty i got for ten thousand at a used car place in ruston, la.
it's damn near impossible to rent a car in natchitoches, la.
no, i never got to see that trailer in blanchard.

now. it's 10 after and i need to go hop in the shower and i hope to update again this month. keep checking back.

i'm not playing. you keep checking back or i'll come to your house while you sleep, bitch.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

it is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance

this is probably a forward i've already sent to any one who could possibly read my site anyway. but i think these pictures deserve another look.

Seems a sheep farmer was puzzled
about the disappearance of some
sheep on his farm. After a few
weeks the farmer decided
to put up an electric

About a week later,
this is what he

Now, I know we've all heard of
people being eaten by snakes

& I bet most of us have said,
"If a snake tried to eat me,
I'd blah, blah, blah &
get away.

Well, this is a Python & they're
extremely aggressive & have
a few teeth that they use to
hold their prey while they
wrap around them &
then constrict.

Could you get away if
this one bit you &
held on with it's

"few teeth?"

(Note: the wires are 10 inches apart.)

poppin my new orleans cherry

this past weekend was my first trip ever to new orleans. i'll keep the wordage short.

here are my pictures:

a living statue of a fairy. looking pretty friggin awesome.

if i were a lesbian, i'd be wanting to jump this girl's bones. but since i'm not. i don't.

we then met a living statue of marie laveaux. who, after taking the picture, gave me:

some magic beans!! and said a little spell and swirled her hand over them. i'm debating on whether or not i should wear them around in my bra for a while.

i then took a picture of this church. see??

there's a restaurant waaaay on the right side of this building. if you enlarge and picture and squint really hard you still cannot see it. so, just take my word on that one, okay?? it's there.

this is a street band. voila!!

this is a VERY awesome old palm reader with a giant santa claus beard and neon purple hair. i wish i couldv'e gotten a better picture, but i didn't wanna be rude and get "all up in his grill". fo'shizzle.

this was a very large AND obese lady who decided "street performer" would be a smart career choice for her. she was, in fact, incorrect. but she was from new orleans non the less, so i took a picture.

more street performers. probably my favorite ones of the trip:

proof that i did in fact go to bourbon street. TAKE THAT!!

a very overpriced voodoo shop. marie laveaux's voodoo shop. apparently, that makes it okay to ass rape people via their checkbooks. greedy bitches.

another slightly overpriced store called the funky pirate. oh my gord, i couldv'e spent so much money in here.

this is a maniquinn growling and shaking violently inside of the funky pirate. i'll go ahead and admit here, i walked a good four feet around this creature to avoid it jumping and biting me. i dont handle practical jokes well. you never know when some asshole's looking to scare a tourist.

a lizard named..................shit. i can't remember. bob, maybe?? irvin?? eh. here's a really cool picture of an iguana.

mini street performers. these were three little kids with smashed beer cans stuck in the bottom of their shoes tapdancing. to be so sad, it was very entertaining.

random picture of bourbon street:

and a guy juggling in the street.