Sunday, December 11, 2011

i am an animal person

i don't mean to be...but i am. i have been as long as i remember and i hope i always will be for as long as i'm physically here. i wonder if that's a deal breaker.

i'm also a non cleaning person. i've gotten better over the past year. but i think i'm the only one who's noticed, so maybe i haven't really gotten that much better. i'm not a fan of bathing unless it's required or i've gotten past the point of too gross. i'm also a hoarder. i collect things. i collect small broken toys. i collect cute clothes that don't fit. i collect candles. i collect things i hate simply based on their color, and discard some things in the same fashion. i obsess about strange things like post apocalyptic breeding compounds i fear i will be enslaved in. i worry about accidental time travel or swapping bodies with someone, specifically with someone i dislike. i drink a lot. the older i get, the more i drink. for as much as i actually intake these days, i feel like i should be more ashamed/embarrassed. maybe i just haven't made it to "that" point yet. i'm sure i'll get there one day. i hate the idea of eating meat. i LOVE the flavor that comes along with eating meat. if i am ever single again, i'd like to try veganism. breasts make me angry. especially breasts that resemble mine, only larger. i think about death/dying/afterlife nearly every waking hour of my day. if you let me, i'll talk about it. i am conceited about my looks, but have surprisingly low self esteem. i adore looking at myself in the mirror, but fear everyone else sees me as a hideous mal-shapen freak with a non symmetrical crusty face and a repulsive breast to stomach ratio. i used to enjoy writing, but got sick to my stomach at the thought of someone else reading it, so i always deleted it or threw it away. i'm terrible at everything i try, so i've become a career couch potato. i feel like i've gotten off topic. my point is: i'm no prize. i wonder which of these things...or which combination...will ultimately make me die a lonely shriveled up old maid.

we'll see!