Tuesday, December 05, 2006

See the young man sitting at the old man's bar waiting on his turn to die

i was bored at work last night, so i cleaned out a couple old microsoft word files and stumbled upon a few things i'd written a long time ago i'd forgotten about. this is something i may have actually posted before, but it never hurts to read something twice, i suppose:

Ode to the Whore

Eeney meeny miney one
Let’s cut out her nasty tongue
Eeney meeny miney two
Let’s hold her throat till she turns blue
Eeney meeny miney three
Let’s saw her legs off at the knee
Eeney meeny miney four
She’s barely screaming anymore
Eeney meeny miney five
I wonder how she’s still alive
Eeney meeny miney six
Let’s prod her nerves and make her twitch
Eeney meeny miney seven
I think its time we sent her to heaven
Eeney meeny miney eight
Let’s pull her bones out and lay them straight
Eeney meeny miney nine
You grab her skull; I’ll grab her spine
Eeney meeny miney ten
This game is over now; I win.

on an unrelated note:
Miss Putty No Name has spent her entire life in a cage. mm mm mm.

Monday, December 04, 2006


1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken win gs at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again." 23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh shit, what the hell happened?"

and since i havent done this in a while...
charlie is a pup who i'd prolly rename frankenstein. or knuckles. either would suffice. scary lookin' little dog.

oh, and YES, thats exactly what i was trying to say. I.............HATE..........SAURKRAUT.