ticklin' hump

it's been almost a week now. as a matter of fact, it's been exactly one week. hm. miss me?? of course you did.

so i finally find somebody who wants a puppy. dude's dad wants a squirrel dog. i remind him to tell me the next day for sure. turns out im off the next day. so, i come in friday ask if tim said anything about the pup. well, the cops met him in the parking lot the day before because he went awol from the army back in '96 and they just now caught up with him. apparently we're destined to have 1500 dogs.

also happening thursday besides co-worker getting arrested, i got to have an official good old fashioned date. complete with spoon stealing!! woo-hoo!!

saturday, after being treated like i had the plague, which was as amusing as it was offensive, i got to see eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. a new favorite of mine. this movie rocks ass. that's all. then i got to sit BY MYSELF and watch 30 episodes of seinfeld (it may have been more like six, who knows?) and episode of plastic surgery before and after, and extreme animals on animal planet. then i went home.

sunday, i woke up to the sound of children fighting happily. i went out into public (or the dining room) where my 4 year old neice screamed "CASEY!!" no, catey, i'm not casey. ::pause, thinking:: "LISA!!" ::sigh:: no, catey, i'm not lisa. the older neice comes and whispers something in her ear. ::look of realization:: "ANGIE!!" i give up.

oh, and no stinkin' easter egg hunt either. very disappointed.

so, off to the sisters house to watch my two other sisters try on clothes. i ask "will this fit me?? what about this??" everythings too big. so, i say "i feel anorexic in here." silence. the room stops. two heads turn evilly at me. hell proceeds with it's breaking loose business and i got a cute orange dressy kind of shirt and have to hear "im too fat" jokes the rest of the afternoon.

first morbidly obese sister leaves and the other morbidly obese sister and i watch eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. it makes muuuuch more sense the second go-round. her baby has been sick all day. throwing up, diarhhea, fever. she decides to take a shower and cook while i watch 13 going on 30, which was surprisingly much better than i imagined. we eat supper, my cap for my tooth falls off 2wice. my nephews fever gets to 104.1 and we decide to go to the emergency room. so, we're there till 2 in the morning. they take blood and did antibiotic IV's and fluid IV's, because he was so dehydrated. he never even twitched while they were doing it. i felt so sorry for him. he was jumpin' around and playing by the time we left. so, it wasnt too bad, i guess. we get home and i get to watch part of eternal sunshine again before falling asleep.

monday, i woke up on my sisters couch. (my cap falls off again at work that night.)

tuesday, i woke up in my own bed.

happy wednesday everybody!!

push me

i'm offa work tomorrow!! yay!! i'm gonna get too many hours this week so i talked my boss into letting me off tomorrow. ooh, i'm so excited.

wearing make up today. yep. thats our big headline news for today. wa-hoo.

i thought about it yesterday and i realized that i have a complete inability to make decisions on my own. yeah, i know. everybody that knows me knows that already. what made me decide this was the fact that i need a haircut. i need a haircut so bad, it ridiculous. so, i wondered, "when was the last time i had a haircut?" and i mean, an official haircut. the last actual haircut i had was at work. i was griping about my hair, my supervisor asked if he could cut it. i told him sure. then the two women who came in after that helped me shape up the ungodly mess he had made of my head. but the last official haircut i had would have had to have been about 2 years ago, i said i needed a haircut and someone else and i mutually planned and decided that i, in fact, needed to get a haircut. so, she went with me and i got one. yet another depressing reminder that i have debilitating problems functioning in normal adult society. oh, the list goes on and on. ::sigh::

oh, i ate too much. i need a cigarette.

DOO DEE DOO DOO DO!

alright. who knew that yesterday was the first day of spring? huh? who was it? because i certainly didn't. so, i suppose, now seems like a perfectly good time to get in on that cleaning business i've heard so much about. i'll start that tomorrow.

so, right now. at this present time. i am sitting in an office with two other people, right? i type the fastest by far of anybody in this room added together. while the other two folks are working their little fingers to the bone, i am sitting on my ass playing online. i love my job sometimes. 'course this is bound to go on for only a day or two more. damnit. but i'll enjoy my void floating until then. Wwwweeeeeeeee.......

oh, and i forgot to mention on my previous post of all the wonderful things that took place at the bar saturday. i also got told that being bow legged was the sexiest attribute a woman could have. (the word attribute was not actually present in this 'compliment' it was substituted later) 'course he did feel me up while he told me, so i guess all is not a total loss.

so, david spade wore a dick on his nose for an owen wilson impersonation. i saw the picture. he actually resembled. good work david.

and there's our current event for tonight...

i almost gave our pups away to a complete stranger last night at wal*mart. the more i thought about, the guiltier i felt. at first it was for her.

"do you live in a house or an apartment?"

"well, actually, i want one to surprise my mama with one. she live in a house."

seems like a horrible idea to me, but maybe its a family thing.

then "ooh, my sister want one too. i just take both of 'em. oh, please let me have a puppy, please."

so, now. i'm nervous. do i give this stranger who i'm not sure would have the ability to care for the puppy and might have a nice collection of puppy slippers with matching furry bathrobe at home? or do i hang on to them for another 10 or 11 years and see who else wants them?

::cough::

Projectile Vomiting

it's monday again folks. still hacking up small green people. getting over yet another massive hangover from a drink that didnt 'seem' to have a whole lot of alcohol to it. haha, you fooled me again.

let's see. saturday night was spent once again at the red injun club. i saw the girl that i took care of on halloween night. she asked if i remembered her and apologized. i told her she cussed me out like twice, but i didnt mind because later that night, i did the exact same thing. she told me she's stopped drinking, too. not so sure i believe that, but then again, she might just have a generally friendly demeanor. i dont know. eh, not my business.

i also got to see myself 20 years from now if something doesnt change soon. i was talking to Dude after the show was over and i grabbed his hat because i wanted to read the back of it. before i got it off, woman comes and snatches it out of my hand and puts it back on his head and tells him they have to go. again, right before they leave i gave him a hug bye and he started saying 'this is the babe right here. this is THE BABE" she says "what?!?! that's who?!?!?! babe whatever, let's go" for a moment i was amused at her jealousy then i realized, wow, i' m just like that. then i shivered, burped, and got over it.

i got to see a guy i work with. i'm afraid to see him today. you know, all that hard fuckin' we did outside on his truck. JUST KIDDING, JOKE JOKE. i did give him a pretty hard huggin' though. and since i'm the little-miss-touch-me-not at work. i'm afraid of what he has to say when he gets here. damn friendly banter!

and uh, yeah, got drunk. proceeded to eat lots of pizza and drink fruit juice when i got home. slept for two hours and learned the true meaning of projectile vomiting. i've never done that before i dont think. it was probably the best hangover i've ever had though. i was still in a pretty good mood all day long. you know, when i was awake.

hrm. i've officially grown a breast. dont know where it came from, but now one is like twice as big as the other and hurts like hell. maybe i pulled a muscle. maybe i have breast cancer. who knows??

i also have a giant inexplicable bruise on the back of my arm. IT CANT BE EXPLICT!

alrighty, i'm made my overly stupid joke for the day, now i'm gonna go see who i can bum money off of to get myself some food.

Not-so-extreme Precautionary Measures

bad habit

biting keeps your words at bay
tending to the sores that stay
happiness is just a gash away
when i open a familiar scar
pain goes shooting like a star
comfort hasn't failed to follow so far...

and you might say it's self-indulgent
you might say its self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be healthy

& pens and penknives take the blame
crane my neck & scratch my name
but the ugly marks
are worth the momentary gain...
when i jab a sharpened object in
choirs of angels seem to sing
hymns of hate in memorandum

and you might say it's self-indulgent
and you might say it's self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be happy

and sappy songs about sex and cheating
bland accounts of two lovers meeting
make me want to give mankind a beating

and you might say it's self-destructive
but, you see, i'd kick the bucket
sixty times before i'd kick the habit

and as the skin rips off i cherish the revolting thought
that even if i quit
there's not a chance in hell i'd stop
and anyone can see the signs
mittens in the summertime
thank you for your pity, you are too kind

and you might say its self-inflicted
but you see that's contradictive
why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?

and pain opinions are sitcom feeding
they dont know that their minds are teething
makes me want to give mankind a beating

i'm tried bandages and sinking
i've tried gloves and even thinking
i've tried vaselinei've tried everything
and no-one cares if your back is bleeding
they're concerned with their hair receding
looking back it was all maltreating
every thought that occurred misleading

makes me want to give myself a beating....

i like that song.

well, here we are again today. not doing a damn thing. waiting on requests for guidance. i found out today that i am not going back to working nights on monday. yay. if i could make a rasberry face, i would. this frustrates me very, very much. the girl who i've been training for almost 3 weeks now has yet to be here on time. and i dont mean like 5 or 10 minutes. i mean like 2 and 3 hours. in her defense, she was here 5 minutes early yesterday. i was all proud, she got here before i did. i thought "maybe we're on some kind of new roll." she got here 30 minutes late today and then went outside and talked for a while. i've also noticed, she doesnt exactly um, how shall i say, "know" how to type. she's half speedy-ish at the henpeckin', but its still that, henpeckin'. eh, hopefully in a few more days this will not be my problem.

ew, thats a nasty color. this is no better. even perhaps worse.

well, off to hunt up something to do for a while, so i dont seem 'quite' so lazy...

AHNOLD

i discovered today that i have an ab. yes, AN ab. just one. i've coughed so much that i've either popped an intestine out of socket, strained a muscle, or just used a muscle so much it decided it's about time it beefed up. i should get sick more often, maybe my other body parts would jump on the band wagon. eh, i doubt it. lazy ass body parts. ::cough::

does the mere sight of people ever make you want to vomit?? right now i'm sitting at the desk of our little mother-to-be (at work) smiling with her little father-to-be in one photo at what appears to be hawaii wearing matching necklaces that are all fluffy, they're called lays in some variation of spelling i'm sure and another photo riding his back down by a lake or river or something. ::bluigh::

there goes that muscle again... ow

well, the new grrl beat me to work today. i was a little ashamed. but at least i finally have her for my whole shift. which considering that in two days it's gonna be her job, that's kinda nice. so, today i got to sit on my ass and just answer questions and point and what not. which was fine till we decided she wanted to do it on her own. so, i sat watchfully close by and stuck weird black clippie thing for papers (not a paper clip) and she told me i just needed to leave.

"am i making you nervous?"

"no, you're just bothering me."

"but i'm not making you nervous?"

"jane, its not like i dont want you sitting by me, but get away from me."

wow. i didnt realize just my mere presence was so obnoxious. i realize when i talk and stuff sure, but i just didnt realize. so, we're now sitting on our ass two desks over. hopefully out of range for being bothersome.

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, i finally got the cd player i got for christmas put in my car. yay! i have to hold my hand on it to keep it from falling out, but hopefully that'll be resolved in a few days.

alrighty, gotta go back to almost helping newbie finish up. later...

dribble A goober...

...is how i now answer the phones at work. i am soooo sick. we got this new girl at work, as you already know, and she's been all sniffly and snotty since they hired her. she is now fine and i now have some weird african flu virus. ::cough:: i feel like i'm dying. shit. i started coughing up small leprechauns today. ::sniff:: wow, do they like my stomach as a home, because they did NOT wanna come out. ::snot::

um, as usual, my puppy gus sired a new litter of little bastard sheppard/terrier mixes. we have one white pup for sure. and as usual, if anybody wants one. lemme know.

alright, gotta go back to trainin'. hard work. whew.

***OMEN***

as we all know, i frigged my car up. i got my car back yesterday and the whole way home and back (which is a long, looong way) the check engine light blinked and the whole car vibrated. i also screwed my mom's car up. it had a personal wading pool for each person in the front of the car. this is sitting on the side of the road half way between here and home. my fella was kind enough to let me borrow his truck last friday night with the hopes of a it having a safe return. i decided it would be better to kill a deer and smash in the side of the truck a little. it was lacking character anyway. this morning i ran over one of our pups. his back leg is hurt and i guess in a day or two if he's not better, i'll take him to the doctor. (ps two pups left up for grabs if anybody knows anyone, ahem, since this is apparently what i do now) and my supervisor decides to let me borrow his big fine red dualie(not quite sure how to spell that) and i ran off the road between here and mcdonalds almost causing a wreck, but luckily avoiding it. ~~whew~~ i have decided that i am destined to ride a bike, or maybe a horse. so, if anyone wants to give me a horse, g'head.

sheesh. on a lighter note...i have nothing of interest going on in my life right now. my mom has a 95 pontiac grand am that i just tore up for sale if anyones interested. nice car, runs great! you know, if you're a flintstone's fan.

sorry to disappoint, but i suppose that'll be all for today.

merry christmas to all and to all a good night.

Antidisestablishmentarianism

i had someone walk up to me today and ask me what i was up to. to which i replied "not a whole lot. whatchu up to?" to which they replied "oh, not much. thinking about your black hair and wondering what it would feel like across my stomach." in your opinion, does this fall under the category of sexual harrassment in the work place?? man, if i could remember everything like that said to me at work, i could be a rich, rich woman. t-hee. but since i cant, its nice to have the occasional ego boost.

i've officially decided they only build mcdonald'ses (?) over radioactive salt mines. damn.

sad update in the puppy saga. because um, its a saga now? we now only have 2 pups up for adoption. so, if ANYBODY knows ANYBODY who might want a pup. we have 1 male and 1 female left. they're cutesies janeqdoe42@yahoo.com

as i've harped on for a while now, i'm moving to nights. so, my replacement has finally been hired. don't know if i've mentioned that already. but if so, let's do it again. i've decided i need to socialize myself more. this girl and i have nothing in common at all. her whole head is pierced, my ears are. she listens to rap, i listen to german nazi white power rock. she has an extensive arrest record. i've been stopped for speeding. the list continues. she's heard the song du hast. it was on 'how high' the movie. i have never seen this. nor do i intend to. though as many differences as there are, she surprisingly nicer to me than i would expect her to be. very nice. as it turns out, all strangers arent psychotic killers who just want my skin.

A HA!! FUCKIN' EVEN NUMBER OF FRENCH FRIES!! HA HA HA!! I ROCK!!

alright, it's cold and i've been back on the clock for about 20 minutes or so now, so i'll leave yall with a short one.

class dismissed...