Wednesday, December 02, 2009

jane's pathetic diet: wednesday edition

i've been on a failing diet for a couple months now. when i originally started on my mostly vegetable, VERY high fiber diet, i lost 12 pounds. i am stuck on my current diet now at 140. the difference?? i've switched from little meat to no meat. (except for the rare occasional wild game) i feel like attaching the word "vegetarian" to my current diet has flipped some switch in my head. vegetarian=healthy. do you know what "vegetarians" generally eat?? well, not meat!! do you know what is considered not meat?? apples, bananas, carrots, corn, celery, broccoli, raisins, and a plethora of other yummy fruits and veggies. do you know what ELSE is considered not meat?? oreos, donuts, ice cream, frappaccino, french fries, and so on and so on. you ever seen any animals harmed in the making of an oreo?? right. i didn't think so. so, that makes them okay to eat!! but there's such a healthy aura surrounding this word. because really, when's the last time you saw a fat vegetarian?? never?? that's what i thought. i've also slacked off ENTIRELY on my exercising because of that last sentence as well. no fat vegetarians; they don't need to work out, they don't eat fat!! bam. problem solved.

el wrongo.

with this in mind, i've decided (again) to try to go back hard core on my previous diet that worked. i will still remove as much meat products as i possibly can, but i'm going to stop it with the sugars and as much carbs as i can. such an irresponsible eater i've turned out to be. today for lunch i made possibly the most disgusting looking soup i've ever seen. i tried taking a picture for you, but alas, my phone is a piece of poop and i can't seem to email pictures anymore. ahem:
1 can of market pantry homestyle italian style vegetable soup: 120 Calories for the whole can
1 can of carrots: 150 Calories, whole can
1 can of spinach: 150 Calories, whole can (but a crap TON of fiber)
1 handful of dry oatmeal: 100 Calories
salt and pepper

so, i've got 520 Calories worth of food that will last me at LEAST 2 days, if not more. assuming i do not eat it for every meal. now, it LOOKS amazingly disgusting, but it's surprisingly good. not surprisingly Great, but good. turns out that spinach has a bit of a tendency to over power the rest of the dish. not so much in flavor, but volume. once you start stirring that spinach, it just seems to get bigger. like seaweed trying to choke out all other plant life in the bottom of my ocean............pot.

anyway. today 140 lbs. next week, 135 lbs.



Anonymous Viking said...

I don't know you and you don't know me,we will never meet as we live so far a part,but I leave my male "thoughts" here for you to read.Or you just as well deleted it you don't like reading comments from unknown people.

Weighing 140 lbs sounds healthy,I'm betting you have a average height for a woman. Whatever you do don't aim to be as thin as the crazy female Hollywood movie stars.They are nothing but skin and bones,and that's neither nice to look at or to bed with.No sane man want those stick girls.Sad to see such a small percent of the world population having such an influence of the rest of the world.I know whatever I say will most likely never ever make you change your mind about what you think about your body,and I'm might even overstep good manners even implying my thoughts.But seeing and listening to normal built girls,the kind just about any boy want to be with,complain about their body and feeling too fat just makes me sad and helpless.The warped body standard set by the music,movie,fashion business for the Hollywood user elite is insane and unhealthy.Female clothes sizes are made for women without any curves.

The reason I got here.

I saw a video featuring a girl jumping off a swing with a rope tied around her neck.Some comments for that video suggested that it might be you.

But from reading that your former suicide blog was "fake" this can't be you.The video looks real,meaning there is another girl doing harm to herself.Internet is a cold place,people get jaded after seeing pretty much anything vile and nasty humans do to each other.

I had to talk my dad from committing suicide on Christmas Day.We lived in different parts of the country and I had no means to get to him quickly.He claimed to be holding a lighter and a bottle of gasoline and was ready to go.He said I had to convince him as to why he should continue to live.You don't do that to your own children.It worked itself out somehow,but it ruined my Christmas and I never had a good relationship with him ever again.And it also made me wonder if the genetic code in the family make males more prone to contemplate committing suicide.I`ve been thinking about "killing myself" every day since the age of 12,I'm now 30-something.So I`m chicken and dare say I it, for the most of the time, love life.The whole thing started having been bullied at school for four years as a kid.Sad to say my self esteem got a huge dent,and I still haven't fully recovered,I might never do.Not a typical male thing to say I guess,admitting to feeling insecure ,but I don't ever lie or bullshit just to hide my true self.There are other issues too,but I won't bother you with further details.The whole debacle with my dad has never left my mind even if it happened a long time ago.He's dead now due to cancer,and our issues never got resolved.That is the main thing I regret.I'm still mad at him.

The comfort of sitting at home rather anonymously while writing comments tends to make people throw any manners and morals out the window.The urge to write things that you would never dare say straight to someone's face is ever so tempting.This is the main reason flame wars,fanboys and gossip blogs are infesting forums and Internet.Sad to say this will only get worse as every year that passes..People seem to get a cart blanche on the Internet,there is no repercussions for your actions.Anything goes,just sad really.Strange getting all this off my chest to a complete stranger,but reading your past blogs ,including some from the 90 Day Jane "art project" or perhaps it was a personal fight with your inner demons opened me up to write this.Take care.

Saturday, December 05, 2009 8:39:00 PM  

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