it runs in the family, do what you want with me

i often worry about my seeming inability to fit in with adult society. i prefer the child's society. it seems much simpler to me. if someone upsets you, you can A) cry until they feel bad B)tattle to an adult who punishes them appropriately {assuming you spun your tattle correctly, which i always did} or C) throw a rock at them and run away. these three things can be used interchangeably. you can go straight to C, or if you can be a little more patient, you can use B and assuming for whatever reason, you tattle wasn't constructed properly, THEN move on to C. or you can try all three. these three things can solve all of child hoods problems. ALL OF THEM. it's not so simple in the realm of adults. 1) nobody cares if you tattle, because well, you're an adult now!! 2) nobody cares if you cry and 3) you can go to federal pound me in the ass prison for throwing rocks at people. who knew THAT one would end up in unauthorized butt sex?? i feel that there was supposed to be some kind of gradual transition into learning what an adult's appropriate reaction is to be to things that upset them. i apparently missed out on that somehow. i feel that i've grown up to be the queen and supreme ruler of The Land Of Awkward Silence.i just realize more and more on a daily basis that i will never fully fit into the "norm" of the civilized realm of social interaction. there's no "story" to tell here. i just frustrate myself. how are adult supposed to handle frustrations legally?? alcohol?? i suppose.

cheers.

favorite song today

My friend has problems with winter and autumn they give him prescriptions they shine bright lights on him
They say it's genetic, they say he can't help it, they say you can catch it - but sometimes you're born with it.
My friend has blight, he gets shakes in the night and they say that there's no way that they could have caught it in
Time takes his toll on him it is traditional, it is inherited predispositional
All day I've been wondering what is inside of me who can I blame for it?

I say it runs in the family this family that carries me to such great lengths, to open my legs up to anyone who'll have me
It runs in the family I come by it honestly do what you want 'cause who knows it might fill me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Fill me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up

My friend's depressed she's a wreck she's a mess they've done all sorts of tests and they guess it has something to do with her grandmother's grandfather's grandmother's civil war soldiers who badly infected her
My friend has maladies, shrickets, and allergies that she dates back to the 17th century
Somehow she manages, in her misery strips in the city and shares all her best tricks with me
Well I'm well well I mean I'm in hell well I still have my health at least that's what they tell me
If wellness is this what in hells name is sickness?
But business is business and BUSINESS

Runs in the family we tend to bruise easily bad in the blood I'm telling you 'cause I just want you to know me - know me and my family we're wonderful folks, but don't get too close to me 'cause you might knock me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Knock me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up

Mary have mercy now look what I've done but don't blame me because I can't help where I come from and
Running is something that we've always done well and mostly I can't even tell what I'm running from
Run from their pity from responsibility run from the country and run from the city
I can run from the law I can run from myself I can run from my life I can run into debt
I can run from it all I can run 'til I'm gone I can run for the office and run for my cause
I can run using every last ounce of energy
I cannot, I cannot, I cannot

Run from my family they're hiding inside of me
Corpses on ice
Doubt me if you like but just don't tell
My family they'd never forgive me they'd say that I'm crazy but they would say anything if it would
Shut me up
Shut me up
Shut me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Shut me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up
Me up

but yea, there was a black sheep and he knew just what to do

anybody know how i can get this as my twitter picture?? anybody?? anybody??

i broke the dam

it's nearly 3 am and i'm bored out of my skull. can't anyone help me?? i guess now would be the perfect time to clean as i'm positive no one will disturb me. ehh. for some odd reason i'm not in the mood for teevee OR food. if you can imagine such a thing. i came home from work yesterday, watched south park, ate some chicken noodle soup, and passed out. i slept for 9 freakin' hours. i suppose i'll wait an hour, bathe, and head on into work, if they'll let me. man, this sucks.

on a lighter note, i purchased a yoga ball the other day. now, i don't look quite as silly as the guy in this video, but then again, i'm not exercising with it yet. i've replaced my computer chair with it and so far, i'm in love. even if you're not actively trying to do anything, just wiggling, bouncing, and trying to stay balanced will keep you moving literally non stop. i love it. i've probably burned a good 6 or 7 calories. i even whipped out my capris for this update to appear more zen like. :: DEEP BREATH ::

now. off to the bath. i've worked up quite a sweat. whew!!

to some evil yuppie couple with a child

so drunk i'm crying at youtube. please click on the title of my post for today's favorite song.

dear old house that i grew up in
it isn't your fault that this went down

in an attempt to put my mind at ease and stop googling bad things, i decided to clear my head. what better way to do that than with alcohol?? i got piss drunk and put on a ton of make up. i think my back is sweating my face has so much make up on it. good god, man. it's boiling in here!! i also decided to bake some cookies. what kind you ask?? fuck you and mind your own god damned business!! ehh, i'm sorry. they were peanut butter cookies with a dash(yeah, that's right, a sprint) of oatmeal. 1 cup of sugar, 1 cup of peanut butter, and 1 egg. i sprinkled in some oatmeal and some milk. cooked for approximately 18 minutes. a couple of the smaller ones burned, but on the whole, it turns out they're pretty damned good.

alright. this screwdriver's whoopin' my ass. i'm going to lay down.

if you want to live high, live high and if you want to live low, live low

i tried googling pictures of abused dogs for this particular update, but after nearly losing my lunch: i quit. i took a nap on the couch earlier with my living room window open. i heard the array of after school annoyance from the kids bustling across the street. some brat was screaming VERY loudly at shadow to go home. so, after i heard the second yelp, i got up. a minute later, i looked out my window and this child was literally beating her puppy in my front yard. screaming in her face, stomping her ribs HARD, and pulling her tail. i started screaming at the top of my lungs before i realized it. when she heard me and realized the gibberash i was hurling at her. the reply i got was "no, no. it's okay. mama told us we could do that. she lost her collar and we're supposed to do that if we can't get her to come home." i *almost* called animal control, but it's 7:30 at night and i don't know if they'd come out this late. i tried explaining to the 60 pound child that if you openly beat a german shepherd in front of other children, the next child who doesn't live with this dog will think it's okay if they get mad and is going to wind up missing a hand. literally. or god forbid, they beat THEIR dog when they get mad. only THEIR dog may be a 1 1/2 pound chihuahua and they may break every bone in their body.

seriously?? do people seriously tell their kids it's okay to stomp their dogs as hard as they please?? what fucking year is this?? am i THAT far into redneckville that THIS is the shit i have to see when i look in my own front yard?? it's pathetic. the saddest part is, since the mother condoned it, the child will never understand what's so wrong about it and will teach her brood one day to do the same.

so, Shadow was all splayed out on the ground, terrified to move. i went out there and picked her up. turns out even at 8 months old, those dogs are heavy. hoo. goodness. i carried her home for her sake. my pocket book's awful tight this week, but i'm tempted to run to wal*mart tonight to buy this pup a harness. she said she's too strong for the collar they had her on and kept breaking it so now they put her on a choke collar when they tie her outside.

my heart broke a little inside. why do people even buy dogs?? i just don't understand.

because even if i went with you, i'm not the girl you think i am

in my emotional roller coaster ride i've been straddling this week, i've been bombarded with a plethora of new feelings from hour to hour. in the past two days, at least, the majority of them have either been down right GLEE or an over abundance of positive energy. there was a spell today around lunch time that i had convinced myself that someone that i love very much was going to die very soon and ultimately, it was going to be my fault. i'd also convinced myself that le boyfriende was having an affair and that my best friend hated me again because i misunderstood what she said earlier about the air conditioner. how could i be so blatantly stupid and unobservant?? i spent the next long while avoiding contact with anyone in the office, too embarrassed to look around. after i unwedged this stick from my anus, i went back to bustling about the office doing my work and stealing what work i could from the others. i still managed to be finished well before my cut time. i hung around as long as i could, but i felt guilty about riding the clock, so i left.

i've been cleaning the house for a good 2 1/2 hours now and i keep forgetting how disgusting of a person i am. have i told you i'm a pack rat?? that i cannot throw ANYTHING away?? last night i actually found insurance cards in my bathroom that expired in 2006. SIX. 2000 and 6. not in a box or put up, but OUT on my bathroom counter. why exactly?? i have no clue. i've found SO many things completely saturated in cat urine. oh, god. sometimes i think my cats are just bored with the litter box and try to find new and exciting things to pee on. like they get all wompiejawed and stand upside down and sideways and try to make it through the cracks in doors to hit something 15 feet away in a closed room. how do they pee on SO MUCH STUFF?? i have a recliner in my bedroom that smelled bad enough from my nephew's unbathed ass living in it for the year he lived with me in the duplex. now the whole chair WREAKS (hmm, who knew this was spelled with a "W"?? spell check, i guess. moving along.) of cat urine. i feel bad because it's, um, not on MY side of the bed. sorry, bebe. um, my bad?? if i were strong enough, i'd move it out of here tonight and try to get it to the end of the road. on top of being urine soaked, it's also been ripped to shreds, and is broken from many months of ploppage (that is, to "plop" one's ass into it with a great amount of force.).

alright. that closet isn't going to clean itself.

I'll follow you into the dark

i got on Lexapro last week for my depression and anxiety swings. i spent the majority of my weekend unconscious and apathetic about most everything. a little too apathetic. needless to say, i was not depressed OR anxious about ANYTHING for a good 5 days straight. i finally took myself off of lexapro monday. why?? well, without going into extensively offensive detail, i had the most desensitized sex of my life this weekend and didn't really care at the time. this was the final straw in the un-jane-ing jane project. i won't have it. if nothing else, i have damn great sex and will not give up my gasms for you or anyone else, mr. lexapro!!

so, on my road back to normaldom, monday was filled with nervous twitches all the way back to louisiana.

tuesday was horribly, HORRIBLY, (i'm not sure if horribly really quantifies the magnitude of the situation) horribly depressing. my throat felt like it was asleep is the best way to describe that. no desire to speak. barely the physical ability. the thought of connecting eye to eye with anyone infuriated and terrified me. i was on the verge of vomiting the majority of the day. my stomach twisted in knots every time someone got near me. ugh. yesterday was SUCH a bad day. i wound up leaving work early to come home, attempt to spank it, and fall asleep. alone. with no one on earth around. at all. it was nice.

here are at wednesday. i started my period last night and i've been bursting with blood and energy all day today. it's been GREAT!! buzzed around the office all day like a little bee. got 100% caught up on my work (except for that dasted ISO report i've been putting off for the last month.) and actually wound up leaving a little early because i couldn't find anything else to do and i was about to explode. went grocery shopping. came home. paid my house note. napped as is my afternoon ritual and have been cleaning house for about 2 hours now since i woke up. i feel great. my house doesn't smell quite so toilet like. i just feel all around "accomplished" today. nothing super spectacular or anything. just had a super dee duper good day. wish they were all like today.

perhaps i'm just bipolar...........