because even if i went with you, i'm not the girl you think i am

in my emotional roller coaster ride i've been straddling this week, i've been bombarded with a plethora of new feelings from hour to hour. in the past two days, at least, the majority of them have either been down right GLEE or an over abundance of positive energy. there was a spell today around lunch time that i had convinced myself that someone that i love very much was going to die very soon and ultimately, it was going to be my fault. i'd also convinced myself that le boyfriende was having an affair and that my best friend hated me again because i misunderstood what she said earlier about the air conditioner. how could i be so blatantly stupid and unobservant?? i spent the next long while avoiding contact with anyone in the office, too embarrassed to look around. after i unwedged this stick from my anus, i went back to bustling about the office doing my work and stealing what work i could from the others. i still managed to be finished well before my cut time. i hung around as long as i could, but i felt guilty about riding the clock, so i left.

i've been cleaning the house for a good 2 1/2 hours now and i keep forgetting how disgusting of a person i am. have i told you i'm a pack rat?? that i cannot throw ANYTHING away?? last night i actually found insurance cards in my bathroom that expired in 2006. SIX. 2000 and 6. not in a box or put up, but OUT on my bathroom counter. why exactly?? i have no clue. i've found SO many things completely saturated in cat urine. oh, god. sometimes i think my cats are just bored with the litter box and try to find new and exciting things to pee on. like they get all wompiejawed and stand upside down and sideways and try to make it through the cracks in doors to hit something 15 feet away in a closed room. how do they pee on SO MUCH STUFF?? i have a recliner in my bedroom that smelled bad enough from my nephew's unbathed ass living in it for the year he lived with me in the duplex. now the whole chair WREAKS (hmm, who knew this was spelled with a "W"?? spell check, i guess. moving along.) of cat urine. i feel bad because it's, um, not on MY side of the bed. sorry, bebe. um, my bad?? if i were strong enough, i'd move it out of here tonight and try to get it to the end of the road. on top of being urine soaked, it's also been ripped to shreds, and is broken from many months of ploppage (that is, to "plop" one's ass into it with a great amount of force.).

alright. that closet isn't going to clean itself.