You whisper up to me in your life of tragedy
and you slither up to me in your pimpin majesty.
happy birthday to me.
happy birthday to me.
happy birthday dear meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
happy birthday to me.
well, here i sit. now a quarter of a century old. bones a'creakin'. joints a'poppin'. belly a'spreadin'. ah, the joys of getting older. i cant metabolize shit these days. its crazy. i've gone from a nice little 123 pound frame 6 months ago to a whopping whale of a 146 pound, not even frame anymore, more of a, a uh, eh. something quippy. mmmmmm. well, basically the whole damn door, not just the frame. you read that joke and like it, damn it.
i actually received the most kick ass birthday card ever today. it was full of little factoids about february the 23rd and different things that happened in 1983 AND little tidbits about the number 25, one of which being that 25 is the generally accepted cut off point for the end of your youth. woohoo, look at me go. thanks, b.
as far as my breastesses go, i got the results of my biopsy back and alas, i do not have breast cancer. aww, man. and i was so excited. i do, in fact, have a fibroadenoma. a hardening of tissue in the breast that will basically just sit and take up room. although, my doctor did tell me he'd be more than happy to remove it if i wanted him to. right. . right. i'm gonna go have surgery to make my breasts even SMALLER. because these bee stings are seriously starting to get in the way when it comes to me standing next to flat walls. they're totally killing my espionage business. i wanted to take a picture of my bandage sooooo badly. but forgot about it until i was on the way to the doctor's office. so disappointed. i wish you couldve seen it. it basically looked like a starfish had been bludgeoned to death and then crucified on myright tit. very nasty. you missed out and i shall mourn for you.
happy birthday to me.
happy birthday to me.
happy birthday dear meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
happy birthday to me.
well, here i sit. now a quarter of a century old. bones a'creakin'. joints a'poppin'. belly a'spreadin'. ah, the joys of getting older. i cant metabolize shit these days. its crazy. i've gone from a nice little 123 pound frame 6 months ago to a whopping whale of a 146 pound, not even frame anymore, more of a, a uh, eh. something quippy. mmmmmm. well, basically the whole damn door, not just the frame. you read that joke and like it, damn it.
i actually received the most kick ass birthday card ever today. it was full of little factoids about february the 23rd and different things that happened in 1983 AND little tidbits about the number 25, one of which being that 25 is the generally accepted cut off point for the end of your youth. woohoo, look at me go. thanks, b.
as far as my breastesses go, i got the results of my biopsy back and alas, i do not have breast cancer. aww, man. and i was so excited. i do, in fact, have a fibroadenoma. a hardening of tissue in the breast that will basically just sit and take up room. although, my doctor did tell me he'd be more than happy to remove it if i wanted him to. right. . right. i'm gonna go have surgery to make my breasts even SMALLER. because these bee stings are seriously starting to get in the way when it comes to me standing next to flat walls. they're totally killing my espionage business. i wanted to take a picture of my bandage sooooo badly. but forgot about it until i was on the way to the doctor's office. so disappointed. i wish you couldve seen it. it basically looked like a starfish had been bludgeoned to death and then crucified on myright tit. very nasty. you missed out and i shall mourn for you.
posted by Jane Q Doe at 5:19 PM
3 Comments:
you should have killed yourself.
Happy birthday!
(I'm recently 26. Somehow, it felt much older than 25. My sister just turned 31, she says it feels much older than 30. Fun facts! or... impressions. Since they're opinions, not facts. & maybe not fun at all.)
Yay! to knowing you have no cancer.
My plan is to just not think about it, not go to doctors, and then be really surprised when I start to die. Should I get cancer, I mean. This plan might change. We'll see.
LOL, interesting
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