Thursday, February 14, 2008

90 Day Apparently Alternative Me

i really just jumped online today to discuss boobs and how the most beautiful man in the world told me today how i needed a 24 hour mechanic. needed me one of them. and i blew it. well, fuck me sideways. but instead:

for starters: wow.

for seconds:tee hee.

and for thirds:yay.

i've finally received my first hate mail. look at me go. let's start at the beginning, shall we??

comment #1: i dont have any plans to kill myself and havent for at least a good four years. well, three and a half. at the time i was too into church and the like and way too fearful to attempt such a thing. after that, i realized everything will eventually hair over. one way or the other. actually, for the sake of honesty, the coin operated boy laughed at me whenever i mentioned it to him and i was very embarrassed to ever mention suicide again and felt extremely selfish and attention seeking for ever having mentioned it in the first place. thank you rodney. seriously.

comment #2:you have a very valid point. i have done extensive research on this and you are correct. did you know that there are in fact only 13 dark personalitied brunette 24 year olds in the entireity of the united states using the pseudonym of jane?? did you know that?? and only seven of these have ever seen the movie fight club. so, i can understand the confusion. i wouldnt exactly say incessant. i only blog like once a month these days, since i no longer have internet access at home. but we'll get to that later.

moving on.

comment #3: give it up, please send me a link. i'm interested to read.

comment#4:there are in fact only 27 drones in the whole of the us and only 3 of those are jane's.

comment#5:i tire of this. let's skip to the important ones or, at least, the ones that amuse me more.

it is extremely rare that i ever read other people's blogs. extremely. i actually havent blog surfed in at least a good year or more. and no, person whom i cant remember which number comment you left, i am not blog savvy. not at all. i asked that question with the hopes that one person in particular would answer it. he emailed me and we discussed it privately. also, other persom whom i cannot remember which number comment you left, do you really not like my style of writing?? you do not love it?? it does not burn your heart with the passion in which i intend?? because as i'm sure you can imagine, touching the inner lining of your soul is PRECISELY my goal here. PRECISELY. in all caps. see?? see the caps?? my heart aches. ouch. i shall have to now go an purchase a band aid. perhaps i should get one for you as well. give me your address and i will literally mail you a band aid for consolation.

ANAJ: i sincerely enjoyed reading your comment. honestly. i had my biopsy done day before yesterday. they took out 5 or 6 little samples and i wont know anything until next week. i was allowed to remove the giant bandages last night and today i'm having the serious pain. turns out the incision was right where my bra line is. i'm stuffed with socks and a little touch of gause today to be able to stand it. i actually look quite stacked for a change. i'm enjoyed the look of things despite the pain. underneath my shirt, on the other hand, i look like i have a gun shot wound. we'll see in a few days if it was nothing to worry about. again, thank you for leaving a real comment to my site.

TOM SERVO: i love mystery science theater 3000 and you should be ashamed. i'm going to go home tonight and cry for you. alot. with kleenexes. and stuff. and things....................and macaroni and cheese. alot of macaroni and cheese. with possible a hint of brocolli. then again, maybe not.

LEAFDOT: the valium was great. even though when i actually got INTO the office, fear took over and i became a panicked wreck.

JEFF: i appreciate it.

um. that about wraps it up. thanks, caine.


Blogger leafdot said...

See, I was very dubious of you being the other you. (The 90-day bizzaro-you, I mean.) Because you were either an _incredible_ writer who could imitate perfectly two totally different voices, or you were just... well, you.

If there had been a 90-day Joe a few years ago, when I had a livejournal, and my livejournal was somehow connected to it by enterprising muckrakers..... Yeah. I was plenty publicly morose. Probably made a Fight Club reference or two, too. They could have pegged me, easily, told me walk in front of a bus, or whatever. What was it like, being the temporary object of an internet lynch mob? I can't imagine. (Happily. For me. Then again, the added hits to my flikr site, that might be a boost in self-esteem.)

I know you don't know me, and have no obligation at all to talk to me, but I'm kinda fascinated.

Anyway. I hope the biopsy thing comes back in your favor. How are you handling that? I would go crazy. I hope you're not going crazy! The weird timing of that and the lynch mob... Yeah.

Okay. Bye.

Thursday, February 14, 2008 7:22:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well I'm going to be praying for your recent medical issue whether you be 90 day jane or not. No one should have to go through that. (and if you don't believe in that sort of thing - tough cause I'll still be praying)

Thursday, February 14, 2008 8:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You might have a future practicing law or in politics.

You didn't once actually say, "No, I'm not 90 Day Jane."

Friday, February 15, 2008 2:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting that the whole 90 day situation has drawn so many people to your blog, myself included. I suppose you're a bit flattered?

You're quite funny, in any case.

Saturday, February 16, 2008 11:01:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, all of this is kind of cool in a creepy way, send me a link to the 90 day jane site, I really do hope all is well with your biopsy.


Sunday, February 17, 2008 1:49:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

90dayjane was on blogspot but the owner had deleted it once it started getting very popular - so there's no link unless someone mirrored it.

"jane" said she was going to be killing herself in 90 days and each blog entry was a count down.

I'm sure if you google 90dayjane you may find more information.

Sunday, February 17, 2008 2:38:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home