BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBS!!!

well, i'm 23 now. woo-hoo. my birthday was thursday. it's weird to think i'm supposed to be getting married this year. i'm supposed to have my first child in 2 years and my second in 4. somehow i think all my childhood planning is gonna have to be postponed a little.

so, for my birthday, brad and i headed off to dallas. friday night i actually stepped foot into an adult novelty shop, did not vomit, and did not lose control of my bowels. a proud day for jane indeed. after that adventure we settled into our room at la quinta, wrestled, and went to sleep. saturday morning we had 'breakfast' (ickity) and left to go to costco. turns out you have to have a membership, so, get this, WE SNUCK IN!! oh, we're such rebels. envy us with much envy. go ahead, you can. i had hummus for the first time, which i hope never to do again. went and ate, went back to the hotel, slept, and then got ready for medieval times. we had a great time. we got to have little crowns and wave little flags and eat with out little fingers instead of the normal little silverware. in the first five minutes as they were lining up the horses. our horse took a nice asshole-turning-inside-out dump right in front of us. nasty. but there were sword fights and fire and evil wizards and lots of cool stuff. we had a really good time. i almost peed myself because everytime a bad guy did well, anything, brad screamed out booooooooooooooooooo(b) over and over. yeah, i'm easily amused, but it was really, really funny at the time.

sunday we headed back rather uneventfully (except we played the alphabet game where brad used his lack of blindness to his cheating advantage) and here i am. back at work, updating my site.

yay, me.

slipped on a kiss and tumbled into love

oh-fucking-youch.

last night i had a dream that i was in my office and no matter where i went, my head was stuck in some sort of office equipment. so, when i eventually woke up, the cat was all entangled in my hair, playing and genuinely enjoying himself. so, i jerked my head forward, and he sunk his little claws into the flesh on the back of my head. and again,

oh-fucking-youch.

what i really meant to say was i'm sorry for the way i am; i never meant to be so cold

so, as it turns out, my father did not have a heart attack. he had blood clots in his lungs causing his severe shortness of breath. those blood clots came up from his legs. he's on a strong blood thinner and has to stay immobile for the next three days or so to prevent a blood clot escaping and going to his brain, also known as having a stroke.

my sister called me today to check on some lost mail and asked if i had talked to my mom at all. i hadnt. so, she told me they had decided to take his kidney. ??? kidney, i ask? yeah, even though the cancer was localized, they decided it'd be best to take the whole thing. ??? cancer, i ask? yeah, they found a one inch by one inch square of cancer on the back of one of his kidneys.

so...yeah. i'm in a weird spot. i dont know what to say about the way i feel about this. i love my dad to death, but we fight and dont get along. my overall impression of this man is that he's old, grumpy, and doesnt treat my mother the way i think he should. but there's a possibility i may not have him to fight with much longer, not that i think anything bad's gonna come of this, because i dont get that feeling, but i just feel generally awkward and suddenly like a really, really, really shitty kid.

i dont know...

kats in the kradle with a silver spoon

little boy blue and the man in the moon

i do not work here yet. but this is my goal.

awkward is a good word

they believe my father had a heart attack this morning. now before i go and sound half orphaned, let me say that i'm not. "I"M NOT." he's still in the hospital having tests done to find out exactly what happened. whatever the case, he does have a small amount of "heart damage"(?). they're supposed to be transferring him tomorrow to run more tests and hook him up to more machines. there are alot of emotional comments i'd like to make here, but the lack of time forbids it. they dont let us get on the internet much at work these days. so, i'll hold off until tomorrow or the next time i can sneak online.