the voices that control me from inside my head say i shouldnt kill you yet

if it makes you feel any safer.

i went to dresden dolls concert in houston nearly two months ago now. it was everything i could have hoped it to be. it was PerFect but since i cant find my pictures right now, i'll save that story for next update. hopefully your children will not have graduated college by this time. hopefully.

the nephew moved out the weekend of july 4th. i cried harder than i thought i would, but yet was more relieved than i thought i would be. my house is losing the 19 year old boy smell and gaining more of the soap/cat shit smell. i no longer have anyone to talk to when i get home, but i can get up at 2:30 in the morning and play mario brothers as loud and as long as i want. i can air dry when i get out of the shower, which is GGGGGGGGGGGREAT!!! i have no one i can share new restaurants and movies with, BUT there are no longer mysterious deductions from my debit card and empty packs of cigarettes and disgarded cigarettes butts floating around my house. i'm assuming you get the jist of where this paragraph is headed and you can finish going there on your own time.

in short, victor: you will be missed.

another thing that has changed since my nephew has moved out has been my eating habits. gone are the days when i have a wonderful little man rocking and sighing "man..............you wanna go to burger king??? you wanna go to wendy's??? you wanna go to mickey d's??? OOOHH, you wanna go to KAY EFF SEEEEEE??????" so, instead. i've bought juice and whole wheat bread. special k and yogurt. wheat snack crackers and peanut butter. i'm regretting the wheat snack crackers. :: barf :: i've also started working out on a semi-daily basis. so far, i've only lost 3 pounds, but i feel different. my body feels more agile (some guy just tripped and busted his ass in the library. poor fella.) just when i walk around or feel the need to climb on tall furniture. i feel like there's been 3 pounds of solid fat removed from my hip joints. it's great. i've been doing yoga and chanting.......................minus the chanting. you ever done yoga?? shit's hard. go ahead. try those side ways bent knee leg lifts then laugh at my measely 3 pounds. i feel that i've actually lost more fat than that, it's just been replaced by muscle. not tons, i mean, i've only been working out for 3 weeks, of course. but i can definitely start to feel the difference.

i've got a couple hundred dollars saved up in my checking account and i just got my stimulus check in. so, rather than catch up on my bills, which i could totally do, I'M BUYING A HOUSE!!! and by house, i of course mean, mobile home. because apparently it's bad manners to call them trailers these days. so, i'm buying a two bedroom/one bathroom trailer, whoops, i mean, "mobile home" in a tiny trailer park about 10 minutes outside of bossier. it's right off the interstate, so i'm thinking maybe it wont be such a big deal to not live RIGHT in the middle of town. i should be signing the papers one day this week. I CAN'T WAIT!!! anybody wondering about the perfect house warming present?? anyone?? anyone?? you in the back?? no?? well, fuck you, too, then. i'm doing my house in either halloween or victorian goth. feel free to buy me something in the "this" department. black iron. spider webs. that sort of thing.

i think that's enough of my life you need to know about for now. i'll try to get back to my more routine "once a month" update. this whole two month thing is just way too long.