Wednesday, July 22, 2009

lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil

as it turns out, i am apparently NOT responsible enough to handle the responsibility of going out drinking without a chapperone. :: sigh :: now, this picture is of course, NOT me, but i would never take a picture like this of myself. that'd just be silly. and embarrassing. i tried taking a picture of myself the following day, but it kept coming out blurry. couldn't keep my hand still long enough i guess.

stephanie and i got all gussied up and went out saturday night to the warehouse in down town shreveport. dirtfoot played. good band, btw. how often do you get to see a banjo, sax, and stand up bass in a hard rock club?? seriously?? we went. bought our first drink downstairs. kinda bland. meh. we proceeded to move UPstairs and meet a little girl who was working her first night at a bar all by herself!! congrats, girl whose name i do not remember!! thanks for the alcohol poisoning!! anywho, so i got stephaho to buy my drink and she said she filled it nearly to the ceiling with vodka, then sprinkled the top with a dash of orange juice. tasted like POOP, but being the borderline alcoholic i am, i drank it anyway. rather quickly. whew. heads kinda spinnin a bit. meh. on to drink NUMBER 3!! made the same way, i assume. by this time my tongue had already gone numb. time warped by rather quickly from this point. eventually, i realized i had to pee, because i hadn't done so in the hours we'd been there. wandered into the ladies room where my body thrust me onto the counter and slammed my head into the mirror and i.........guess.........fell asleep. shortly thereafter, a nice little girl named casey woke me by playing with my hair and telling me how much she enjoyed seeing girls enjoy themselves. cute little bugger. short, multiple tank tops and bracelets, a beret, and little black glasses like mine. she bought me some water and then wouldn't allow me to pay her back for it. long lost lesbian love?? perhaps. she helped me off the counter, i went and found the steph, and we started wandering to club latino. on our way there, we met a nice man named tyreeeeeeeeee, who claimed to be a woman but with a dildo in his pants <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> i told him i was a lesbian and never liked any penis i ever got and tried to walk away with an "ooh, yucky" look on my face. my counter part stopped to giggle and hug. i kept walking praying at the very least, if i WERE going to be raped, i'd at least be able to pee and take my tampon out first. oh, please, lord, please!! we managed to make our way unscathed to the bar. ran STRAIGHT to the bathroom, peed and removed previously mentioned tampon, and commenced with the destruction of their toilet. vomit reigned supreme!! i'll spare the next hour's worth of details. in short, "boohoo!! fuck off!! boohoo!! but i don't wanna eat the cilantro and onion laden taco!! you can't make me!! is that taco on this toilet seat?? was that mine?? barf!! and boohoo!!" i then found stephanie in the stall next to me in the position featured above. nice, right?? looked around and the manager and a friend were in the stall with us screaming we had to get out NOW because the paramedics were on their way and basically, she wasn't dying in his bar. we got her up and tried to walk out, but the floor was too slick. what's that?? MY vomit all over the floor?? luckily, she was drunk enough that no one had seen me paint it that way. i couldn't get my balance, so the manager/goonie placed his hands on my ass and shoved me forward sliding through the muck. oh, yeah. it's EXACTLY as sexy as it sounds.

superman called me a cab was called. we were dropped at the house. we blasted through the front door just in time to vomit once more. and by once, i mean many, many, MANY dozens more times.

sunday was, simply put, bad.

how was YOUR weekend??


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