Wednesday, July 01, 2009

You have the potential to be beautiful

This is definitely the most depressive video I've watched in a WHILE. I understand and respect the concept of this video. I truly do. There are times when i sit home and watch my stomach tumble onto the floor(that may be slightly exaggerated) and think to myself, you know 100 years ago, I would've been considered hot. H.O.T. Good sturdy birthing hips, nice rounded Greek tummy, a small foot, and long dark hair. Every farmer's dream girl, right?? Wrong-o. Not the 2009 farmer. Newp. It's NOT acceptable to be who you are anymore. You have to be yourself improved x 3. You're obligated to meet your perfect potential or you're just kind of a fatty. UNLESS you've got some other AMAZING skill that can allow people to overlook your less than perfect physical appearance. An awesome sense of humor, brains out your ass, art and music creativity flowing from every pore. Something like that. Which of these things do I possess?? Um, I'd say a good standing in the position of the "fatty". (Speaking of which, I'm down to 145 again. Woo!! Look at me go.) I really do respect what these people are trying to do and have been tempted myself after reading her blog to maybe even participate. I won't, but I am tempted. I totally believe that your body is basically a culmination of all of your years. Every blemish, every scar, every unsightly stretch mark is a road map in the journey of jane's life(or rather your own). BUT society on the whole doesn't allow you to embrace that. SO, instead of being all different and innovative and saying to myself "I'm about 25 pounds heavier than what THA MAN tells me I should weigh, but I love myself the way that I am", I'm going to continue on until I get back (fingers crossed) to the weight I was at 2 years ago. A good sickly looking 125. I was told constantly that I was too skinny, but in my head I was still a rolling tub of lard, I just couldn't figure out how to lose down any further than I was. THEN I actually DID develop some confidence and began to eat on a regular basis without vomiting and BAM!! Look at me now. A portly 145. Jeepers. Now, instead of "whoo, you really look healthy now that you've put on some weight" i get "eek, you were soooo hot before. would you like to see a picture of what you looked like before?? when you were attractive?? i've got pictures of where you were holding Chippy before you turned into 'this' ". That's a quote, by the way. AAAAAnywho, what I'm saying is: if THIS lady is happy with herself and truly believes the blabbity blip that i posted above that I fully support and respect her for that and genuinely hope that she reaches millions of women with low self esteem and convince them the better they feel about themselves, their bodies will naturally whip themselves into shape. whatever shape that may be. maybe not "perfect" but the shape it's meant to be. just healthy. healthy and normal.

BUT unfortunately, I have succumbed to the dark side and will continue to starve/vomit and feel guilty until I am where I feel that society wants me to be.


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