bleh meh and oomph

5 a.m. bored and trying to find new ways to call in sick to work. i feel as though i've lost my drive for nearly everything these days. what little i DO do is motivated by fear of other's people's anger. can't be late for work or my supervisor will be mad. can't call in sick because my relief girl will be mad. can't be uber vegetarian around my boyfriend because he'll leave me. can't curse around my fucking family because they'll disown me. can't wait much longer to move or else he'll be mad BUT can't manage to give away my remaining cat because she'll hate me for life. can't make eye contact with the cashier, BECAUSE WHAT IF SHE'S MAD I'M FORCING HER TO WORK?? i'll spare you the rest of the intended paragraph, but this is my life right now. it always has been to a certain extent, but i seem to have been drained of any sort of desire or drive recently. i woke up at 4 am this morning. so far?? killed some zombies, listened to some youtube, and pooped. at no point in time until just a minute ago did it occur to me to take a bath and get an extra hour of work. the extreme early mornings are always super easy and lord knows i need the money. what's a procrastinatory girl to do???????????????????

i don't even really have the desire to finish this update. fuck bathing. maybe i can find some clean smelling clothes and head on in. where's my pony tail??