READ MY STORY BOOK INSIDE, BITCH!!!

for years now, and i mean quite literally Years, i've asked my mother for a certain chocolate easter bunny that she used to buy me when i was very small. every year i got the same thing. the same recycled brown OR white wicker basket from 1974 containing easter grass that my mother Dearly hates, but sacrificed once a year to allow me to have, assorted candies, possibly some cool tiny toy, AND a peter rabbit with a story book inside. a couple years ago..................um like 16-20..................my mom stopped with the peter rabbit because she said she couldn't find it anymore. so, she tried a few alternatives disappointing me every time. hooo. LOVE kids who are ungrateful about getting candy, don't you?? anyway. thats not the point. i mean, i didn't like scream and bitch or anything, i just specifically requested one certain candy and it wasn't out there for her to find. not her fault. that's understandable, i guess. right??

i remember when i was little i would ever so delicately take him out of the box, bite off his eyes then, very quickly as not to cause too much pain, bite through the front of his skull so he didn't feel me eating the rest of his body. come to think of it, i actually Still do this with any animal shaped food product. i remember several years ago i ate an animal cracker from the back half just to see what it would be like. i was literally almost in tears from guilt. don't judge me for being tenderhearted. i could have ocd about pulling legs off of every bug i see. see there?? i thought of so many horrible things, but couldn't even put them into words for fear someone may read it and develope the compulsion. THEY would've made for a better paragraph, but this one will just have to do.

moving on.

so, every year still around easter i go from aisle to aisle of various stores looking for this one candy, which i've never found. every year crushed a little at the thought of never getting to relive that childhood excitement.

i went to dollar general the other day to "grocery shop" and thats what we're gonna call it. and lo' and behold, guess who had my peter rabbit. the big DG. i just stopped mid aisle and stared. i couldn't believe my eyes. i was so excited for a moment, but i knew surely i was mistaken. this has happened MANY times before. i haven't looked for this thing so vigorously for 10 years and then just happen upon it randomly at some store. that's not possible, is it?? i snatched one up so quickly God had to blink twice and just notice the open spot on the shelf and assume i'd taken the bunny. i tucked it under my arm like some jeweled.......eh.........like some jeweled thing that's been covered in jewels and i ran. i ran so far away. yes, i ran. i ran all night and day. or at least 4 aisles over to the cat food aisle. i stood there by myself, where it was safe, and unhinged the poor bunny from the deep crevaces of my arm pit. i looked it over top to bottom to make sure i was making the correct purchase. sure enough. it's peter rabbit. complete with little book and the picture of the boy legally hoeing in the background. i walked up to the register with pride hoping everyone saw and envied my purchase. "i am buying peter rabbit, you know??" no one seemed to care. unfeeling bastards.

but regardless, here i sit with pete and i've never been happier.