Tuesday, August 16, 2005

I KILLED THIS IN MY SISTERS SHOWER YESTERDAY

notice the part where it says 3" wide!! NOTICE!!!

i'm supposed to be house sitting for my sister for a week, but i left two days ago because there was this gargantuous spider in her shower. i called and asked where the poison was, "uh, no, Bug, around our house we use shoes." "dont you dare spray tilex on my ceiling." and yes, my family calls me bug. soo, i headed back over there today to take a shower before work. i put all my shampoo and conditioner and face wash back in the little cubby. oh, great, no spider. HE WAS RIGHT BY MY HAND. CAN ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND THE NEED FOR MY ALL CAPS RIGHT NOW?? DID YOU LOOK AT THE PICTURE?? anywho, after soiling myself, i ran (hurridly) to her closet, got a sturdy looking shoe, ran back (hurridly) across the house and screamed loudly while beating the spider until (i literally just shivered) his body fell apart. i ran water for a LONG TIME, and then took the most paranoid shower of my life, praying to God, that his little mangled, two legged body wouldnt somehow drag itself back up the drain to bite, or even worse PERCH, atop my bare foot.

other than that, my weekend:

friday night i got home and accidentally got (very) drunk off of like an inch of liquid, which i didnt really realize was possible. some other drunk lady smacked me on my bare thigh with the heftiest hairbrush wal*mart sells and my leg swole up and turned red with a giant white spot in the middle. (its still there, EVAN!!) and i passed in and out of consciousness while a guy i didnt know kept touching my leg every time he had something new to say. but being the drunk-grope that i am. i smiled, closed my eyes, and continued to allow this invasion personal space.

saturday, i awoke after 4 1/2 hours of sleep with no hangover. the day started out good. we went to the pet store. i got my neice a hamster to ease her pain over the guinea pig she had that in all honesty, she took imaculate care of. he licked my hand in the pet store, how adorable is that. 'course after we got home, he playfully bit me underneath my fingernail which bled more than any other animal bite ive ever had in my life. he's still pretty darn cute though.

sunday, we went to shreeport (as we all know, the v is silent) and pranced happily around wal*mart like good little rednecks and then headed off to the movies. deuce bigalo, european gigalo. wow, as usual, people should NOT make sequals. they are never, ever as good as the originals. it had its funny parts, but it just didnt come close to the first one.

then i got up today, killed the aforementioned spawn o' satan, came to work,

and here i be.

5 Comments:

Blogger Jane Q Doe said...

to avoid sounding *too* retarted, i didnt really "scream" while beating it, it was more of just a loud vocalization, because the sound of bugs crunching makes my spine itch. i cant stand it. bleigh.

Monday, August 15, 2005 10:34:00 PM  
Blogger Jrdawg said...

Don't feel too bad. I killed a Black Widow the size of a fucking 50cent piece right outside by back door the other day.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005 5:35:00 AM  
Blogger Crazy B said...

This was taken from the link in Janes post. Although nursery-web and fishing spiders are big enough to give a painful bite, they are not considered dangerous.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005 6:30:00 AM  
Blogger Jane Q Doe said...

you are so totally missing the point.

you remember that baby grass snake that was smaller than a pencil i caught in *someone's* living room and *someone* had a coniption fit and said they werent coming home till i got rid of it??

same concept.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005 2:24:00 PM  
Blogger Jrdawg said...

concept being, unjustified paranoia

Thursday, August 18, 2005 6:11:00 AM  

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