if i cut off your arms and i cut off your legs, would you still love me anyway??

for starters, hurricane katrina hit new orleans, bladdy bladdy blah, blah, thousands of people dead. well, i got a weird generous feeling about a week ago. lucky time to strike out of the blue, but thats how most of my feelings work anyways. but i was looking around animal shelter websites, because i do that from time to time, and i stumbled across a few in particular that pulled a few heart strings. they had a list of shelter needs, so i decided to clean house a little and donate to the humane society. then as it turns out tons of people that got hit by katrina brought their animals up north and tons of shelters are being over run with dogs and cats, well i say over run. they're in cages of course. and they're in desperate need of pet supplies as well as people supplies. my sister called me yesterday and told me that her church was getting together a bunch of stuff via donations and are gonna take it to the monroe civic center(i think) on either friday or saturday. so, i figure i can kill two proverbial birds with one proverbial stone, and take my animal stuff down there as well as deoderant and toothpaste and tampons and what not. so, yeah, i get to go shopping tomorrow. it's gonna be so much fun.

and i know not many people are into donating money these days with all the theft and scams that go on, but if anyone gives a poop about the humane society or that type of thing, donate away.

MAULED CHILDREN

alright, you tell me if i'm strange. how old were you when you started thinking about death? really giving it any consideration? 20's, teens, younger?? personally, me and my friends used to discuss this when we were like 5 and 6 years old. i vividly remember wishing i would be killed and eated by wild animals, so my body wouldnt just go to waste. also, specifically wanting to be killed by lions, because i watched a special on tv or read something that said lions go straight for the throat and try to suffocate their victims before they eat.

then after i got a couple years older, i decided that might be a wee bit painful. so, cancer was the way i decided i should go. you know exactly how you're gonna die, unless some freak accident happens. you know basically how long you're gonna live. you have a pretty good guesstimate on how much time you have to get all of your affairs in order. finances, emotional bonds, spirituality. you can have everything done so no one has to worry once you do die. everything will be taken care of. this is i guess still the way i'd rather go.

does no one else think about this?? am i really that morbid?? if you found out your 5 year old child was wondering about how he or she was going to die, would you put them in counseling for being unhealthy?? or maybe decide they just like to think deeper about some things??

can anyone relate to me here at all?? or am i just being retarted today??

I KILLED THIS IN MY SISTERS SHOWER YESTERDAY

notice the part where it says 3" wide!! NOTICE!!!

i'm supposed to be house sitting for my sister for a week, but i left two days ago because there was this gargantuous spider in her shower. i called and asked where the poison was, "uh, no, Bug, around our house we use shoes." "dont you dare spray tilex on my ceiling." and yes, my family calls me bug. soo, i headed back over there today to take a shower before work. i put all my shampoo and conditioner and face wash back in the little cubby. oh, great, no spider. HE WAS RIGHT BY MY HAND. CAN ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND THE NEED FOR MY ALL CAPS RIGHT NOW?? DID YOU LOOK AT THE PICTURE?? anywho, after soiling myself, i ran (hurridly) to her closet, got a sturdy looking shoe, ran back (hurridly) across the house and screamed loudly while beating the spider until (i literally just shivered) his body fell apart. i ran water for a LONG TIME, and then took the most paranoid shower of my life, praying to God, that his little mangled, two legged body wouldnt somehow drag itself back up the drain to bite, or even worse PERCH, atop my bare foot.

other than that, my weekend:

friday night i got home and accidentally got (very) drunk off of like an inch of liquid, which i didnt really realize was possible. some other drunk lady smacked me on my bare thigh with the heftiest hairbrush wal*mart sells and my leg swole up and turned red with a giant white spot in the middle. (its still there, EVAN!!) and i passed in and out of consciousness while a guy i didnt know kept touching my leg every time he had something new to say. but being the drunk-grope that i am. i smiled, closed my eyes, and continued to allow this invasion personal space.

saturday, i awoke after 4 1/2 hours of sleep with no hangover. the day started out good. we went to the pet store. i got my neice a hamster to ease her pain over the guinea pig she had that in all honesty, she took imaculate care of. he licked my hand in the pet store, how adorable is that. 'course after we got home, he playfully bit me underneath my fingernail which bled more than any other animal bite ive ever had in my life. he's still pretty darn cute though.

sunday, we went to shreeport (as we all know, the v is silent) and pranced happily around wal*mart like good little rednecks and then headed off to the movies. deuce bigalo, european gigalo. wow, as usual, people should NOT make sequals. they are never, ever as good as the originals. it had its funny parts, but it just didnt come close to the first one.

then i got up today, killed the aforementioned spawn o' satan, came to work,

and here i be.

i almost forgot

i'm ashamed of myself. 22 years ago today crystal eloise dison was born. this was my best friend from kindergarten up until the 5th grade. just for drama: on friday, october 29th we were at school and i dont remember exactly what happened, but our whole class was in the old gym(because our school has two, the old one where brad graduated, and the new one where i graduated) anywho, something had happened which hurt her feelings bladdy bladdy blah, we ten year olds were so emotional, and she said to me "just leave me alone". that was the last time i saw her face to face. that'll do for the drama part, i think. halloween was gonna be on sunday that year and as we all know, you cant trick-or-treat on a sunday so the town moved it to saturday night. she called me friday night and BEGGED me to ask my mom to let her go with us. i told her i really didnt think mom would say yes, so i never asked. she got mad and hung up on me. so, saturday rolls around, i trick-or-treat with a lady from church and her kids, we go uptown saline and there are lights and sirens everywhere. my fifth grade teacher at the time comes up to the car and talks to the lady i was with, "yeah, some girl named crystal dison, or something like that just got hit by a car or something" which, in a bigger town might not seem like much, we had less than 20 people in our class, she knew crystal very, very well. our town is TINY. anywho, so i went home, took a bath, got out, and my parents were waiting at the table for me to tell me that crystal had been killed by a drunk driver. so, i went hysterical and my mom rocked me to sleep while my dad talked about me in the third person saying repeatedly in shock "i just cant believe she took it this hard" real shocker there. went to the funeral home the next night, got flooded with tons of people i really didnt know, and i did not appreciate that. people, dont do that to kids, they dont like it. trust me. i remember her head being really swollen and bruised. theres a mental picture i'll always treasure. (not really) umm, so, that was when i went from the loudest most obnoxious child probably in existance, to the quiet, afraid, paranoid, over-analyzing person i was a year and a half ago. adult life has since further ruined me. but just for the record, to anyone who knows me, i really was a fairly normal child. you know, that whole dead best friend thing, just kinda fucked me up. happy birthday, crystal.

now, the reason i originally got on today does anyone have a hamster or a gerbil they're trying to get rid of because i've decided to get my neice one for her birthday and i'd rather see if anyone has something they dont want before i go to a pet store. lemme know...
janeqdoe42@yahoo.com

I'M FRUSTRATED BY YOUR APATHY

this is one of my favorite songs in the world right now. i didnt find the lyrics online, but this is my best interpretation via jane's ears. enjoy:

Miserable
Lit

You make me come
You make me complete
You make me completely miseralble

Stuck to a chair
Watch in this story about me
Everything goes by so fast
Making my head spin

Used up all of my friends
But who needs them
When you mean everything
Well, I love the things that we should fear
And I'm not a afraid of being here
We're so much the same it makes me helpless

Oh, ooohh

Nothing to share
Why should I care if you're near me
Give up all of my plans
But who needs them
When you mean everything

I love the things that we should fear
And I'm not a afraid of being here
Were so much the same It makes me helpless

Oh ooohhh

Yeah, yeah
You make me come
Yeah yeah
You make me complete
Yeah yeah
You make me completely miserable

:: instrumental ::

Well, I love the things that we should fear
And I'm not a afraid of being here
We're so much the same
It makes me helpless

Oh, oohhh

You make me come
You make me complete
You make me completely miserable

Yeah yeah
You make me come
Yeah yeah
You make me complete
Yeah yeah
You make me come
Yeah yeah
You make me complete
You make me completely miserable